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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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My doughter is nine years old. She is not able to make friends.

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My doughter is nine years old. She is not able to make friends. She is a kind, friendly,smart girl. girls often not nice to her. for example today at the bus a girl brought candy offered to every one except her. when she asked can I have one, that girls said no I don't give things to begers:( she was so sad. No body sit by her in the bus and no body is her friend in the class. What should I do????
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
How long has your daughter been at her current school? What has the teacher said to you about her behavior at school? Does your daughter have friends outside of school? Is she more of an introvert or an extrovert? What does she like to do for fun?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

She is in school for 4 years. She is in 3rd grade. It was not like that always. In 3rd grade becoming harder on her. She is loved by all her teachers, they all telling me she is an example in the class and very smart.

 

She has a twin friends that they went to school with her when they all been 3 years old. The twin girls parents got divorce two years ago and they have lots of issues. They usually make other kids not to talk to my daughter and they are so jealous to her. They have every thing and both parents are involve with them I do not know how much. their mother is Chinese and she is a Dr. She is a good friends of mine but she also competing with me about my friend. She want to be friend to my neighbor, to my best friend and some time is hard to deal with her. Her kids are copy of her. and I think they make other kids against my daughter. They are usually very nice with adults and then behind them they are some body totally different. She is introvert. she likes to sing, play piano, she is involve in basketball team. she like to be with friend and she want to have best friend. She play with wii. She always had an old soul.Most adult they lOVE HER. She has excelent manner. She is very kind and giving.

 

For example my daughter has a good voice and her music teacher asked her to sing solo. Immediately the twins asked if they can do it as well, teacher agreed and put my daughter in the group and asked them to sing to gather. Also she put my daughter to sing solo as well. My daughter after the show hug them and give them a flower. They turn and said to my daughter my mother and we thought you sounded like a duck.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
I will be out of the office for a bit and will respond to you later with detailed suggestions. Is that alright..probably later on this evening?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Wow...as an educator and as a parent I am truly amazed at the behavior of your daughter's classmates. Have you tried talking to your daughter's teachers? Have you been into your daughter's classroom to observe what is specifically happening? I can provide you with some suggestions of what to look for during your observation in the classroom. Additionally, I can provide you with some suggestions that you could ask the teacher to implement in the classroom during a conference with him/her if you would like. It is going to take a lot of effort from your daughter's teacher to make the other children be more accepting of her.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Yes, I did talk to her teacher and she said, she also seen that girls are so mean together. She told me that the counselor will going to talk to them as a group however she never did that. I am very involve in school, My husband and I, originally are from different nationality but our kids born and raised in US. I lived and went to school in uS for 26 years but never seen such a thing. School doesn't allow to go to the classroom. but I did observe kids during the lunch time and play time, they always make my daughter to play alone. I seen it by my eye, my daughter asked them can I play with you and they say, no this is not for everyone and my daughter sadly goes away. please tell me what should I do b/c at this point I am lost. I am willing to do anything to help this children. I started diversity night in our school, which was a big hit,600 people attend. I really don't know what to do more. I can't believe that at 3rd grade kids are so mean.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

I am very surprised that you are not allowed to visit in the classroom and observe what is happening? Is this a public or a private school?

 

You seem to be a very concerned mom. Your daughter has a lot of great things going on with her. My concern is the way that the school is allowing such actions to happen to your daughter. Since you have already discussed the issue with the teacher and then nothing has been done with the counselor, you need to go even further. Discuss the issues with the headmaster or principal of the school. Your daughter does not seem to be doing anything to provoke such awful behavior from her third grade classmates. She is being bullied and such actions should not be tolerated at all. You have a right as a parent to discuss the situation of your daughter with the principal and even with the teacher present. They must clearly come up with solutions to help your daughter because you are doing all that you can do at home. Your daughter must feel and be included. The students need empathy training. They need to include your daughter. I am blaming the school and the teacher for allowing this behavior to continue. I am sure the teacher is aware of all of this. Please schedule a meeting with the principal.

 

If I can help you further, please ask. If this has helped, please ACCEPT. Have a great day.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

thanks for your respond. My daughter goes to a "very good public school " Our principal he is a very weak man. I kind of don't know how to approach him. He isn't very approachable person. Can you please help me how to approach them, and how should I say things to not offend him.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Hello..glad to assist..

 

First of all...call the school office and schedule an appointment to meet with the principal. Do not settle for a telephone conference. Tell them that you would rather see the principal in person. The office staff will ask you what the issue is and you will tell them that it involves your daughter. They may continue to say that you need to discuss the issue with the teacher first and you reply by saying that you have already taken those actions.

 

When you do finally meet with the principal, see if your daughter's father can attend the meeting as well. Start by saying how happy you have been with your daughter's educational experience and that are always involved in every aspect of her life. Explain how your daughter has never had any issues until this school year. THEN explain how you have noticed that a complete shift in your daughter this school year and you believe that your daughter is being bullied. Make sure that you have a detailed list of all of the negative things that have happened to your daughter and the dates if possible. Even gather a description of what you have previously discussed with your daughter's teacher. Mention all of that to the principal...even your own observations.

 

Try to stay calm, cool, and collected and approach the principal in a non threatening manner. Your principal may state that, "Oh, kids will be kids." But do not accept that as a solution. Ask the principal what can be done in this serious situation. He must come up with an answer. Be patient and persistent. If you do not get the answer from him, repeat the same steps and seek assistance from the principal's supervisor.

 

Your daughter has the right to be in a school in a safe and non threatening environment. She is not being protected at all.

 

Hope this helps. If you need more info..just ask.

 

POSITIVE FEEDBACK is appreciated after ACCEPTANCE. Thank you.



Edited by Erica.13 on 12/17/2010 at 1:52 AM EST
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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