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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Yesterday I allowed my ex to have his first sleep over with

Customer Question

Yesterday I allowed my ex to have his first sleep over with our 15 mth old daughter. He has only seen her once week for a few hours in the past 5 mths. To my utter astonishment and concern he left her with his 83 yr old mother ( our daughter has seen her only handful of times) to attend a Xmas party for 3 hours while this active toddler was awake. My ex's house has two separate flights of stairs with no baby gates, absolutely no baby proofing, and an open fire place he uses to heat his home.
This 83 yr old woman is very allert for her age but has difficulties climbing up & down stairs and can not pick up heavy items.
I feel it is in my right to disallow any further sleep overs if he is not going to be in attendance at his home. He feels it is not a safety concern and should be left allow to parent as he wishes.
Any suggestions on this matterwould be greatly appreciated.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Your daughter's safety should be your ex's number one concern. You must make that known to him constantly. If it is a court order that he is supposed to have visitations with your daughter, then you must honor that order and cannot disallow the visitations. However, is if you feel that your daughter's safety is being compromised, then I would be concerned. Your daughter's grandmother should not be babysitting. What if either one of them fell down the stairs? I doubt the grandmother has the abitlies to focus and be as attentive to your daughter as needed. Have an open and honest discussion with your ex again. The purpose for your daughter seeing your ex is for him to spend time with her. If he is going to be running off here and there, then what is the point of your daughter spending time at his residence?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

There is no court order in place yet I had hoped we could do it on our own. He is extremely passive aggressive with substance abuse issues. I am still very much in a abusive situation (verbally & emotionally) even though we have been separated for over a year, and currently I am applying for a restraining order as he admitted to ruining my tires on my vehicle and removing certain items from my home when he was able to visit our daughter here..

He does not see the safetly side of it as it would appear it is more of a control issue for him. He was to have returned our daughter at 8am this morning and did not return her until 9:45 am, arguing that it was his parental right.

At this point I am unsure of how to stress the importance of our daughter's safety, or his need to be present when he has her.

Do you recommend involving the courts or therpists?


Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
If you can afford it, then involve the legal system so that everything can be spelled out on paper and there will not be any misunderstandings...especially if you can not work things out amicably in any other manner.

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