Hi, I can help you today
right now your daughter is trying to exert herself by letting you know she can cause a fuss and do what she wants . What has been done before the decision to send her to NJ? Did she have any therapy?
yes she refuses to talk
we have tried everything
It's unfortunate that this behavior has gotten this far without any intervention. She has what she feels is "power" in that she knows she can put up a good fight on her own behalf. At this point you may have to stop trying to get her to come live with you and get tough with her behavior. Even if her drug use and drinking is minimal, she is "using", find a rehab and get her admitted. If you do this at 16 you have the authority. If you wait and try to reason with her you'll get nowhere and she'll be more out of control. It's tough love but it may be necessary. I know this is a tough decision to make but if you don't do something drastic now she will only continue to spiral downwards. This behavior isn't on that just came on, she needs help. This is tough love and once she is 18 you will not have the power to get her help so now is the best time to face this and do something about it. Bringing her to NJ is not the answer.
I agree with the tough love. How ever her mother has tried to be tough but she still doesn't listen. I do know she doesn't get away with this behavior when she is around me. Coming here to NJ is our last resort. She needs to go to school but refuses to stay away from the bad element. By removing her removes the bad element.