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Ask Dr. Keane Your Own Question

Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1760
Experience:  Parenting Workshops, Teacher, PHD Clinical Psychology, 30 yrs. Exp. 4 Children
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I have a 16 year old daughter who live with her mother in Michigan.

Customer Question

I have a 16 year old daughter who live with her mother in Michigan. Her mother can not handle her any more. She refuses to listen to her mother ans stepfather. We have come to the aggrement of sending her here with me in New Jersey. She is refusing to go. She say she will run away, cause a scene at the airport, drop out of school. She has been caught doing drugs, drinking. She cuts school. Stays out all night sometimes and doesn't answer her phone. We all agree she needs to move and get away from the bad element she is around. How do we get her to move with all of her threats.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 5 years ago.

Dr. Keane :

Hi, I can help you today

Dr. Keane :

right now your daughter is trying to exert herself by letting you know she can cause a fuss and do what she wants . What has been done before the decision to send her to NJ? Did she have any therapy?

JACUSTOMER-tymxg7pm- :

yes she refuses to talk

JACUSTOMER-tymxg7pm- :

we have tried everything

Dr. Keane :

It's unfortunate that this behavior has gotten this far without any intervention. She has what she feels is "power" in that she knows she can put up a good fight on her own behalf. At this point you may have to stop trying to get her to come live with you and get tough with her behavior. Even if her drug use and drinking is minimal, she is "using", find a rehab and get her admitted. If you do this at 16 you have the authority. If you wait and try to reason with her you'll get nowhere and she'll be more out of control. It's tough love but it may be necessary. I know this is a tough decision to make but if you don't do something drastic now she will only continue to spiral downwards. This behavior isn't on that just came on, she needs help. This is tough love and once she is 18 you will not have the power to get her help so now is the best time to face this and do something about it. Bringing her to NJ is not the answer.

JACUSTOMER-tymxg7pm- :

I agree with the tough love. How ever her mother has tried to be tough but she still doesn't listen. I do know she doesn't get away with this behavior when she is around me. Coming here to NJ is our last resort. She needs to go to school but refuses to stay away from the bad element. By removing her removes the bad element.

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