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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
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My son is 15 and plays high level basketball. We have alot

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My son is 15 and plays high level basketball. We have alot of problems getting him to do homework or his responsibilities around the home. He comes home from school and just sits with his back to us and goes on Facebook. We have tried all sorts of tactics to be more responsible and be part of the family but usually get ignored or sworn at. Any thoughts?
He also has an Iphone which he agreed he would pay half the fee each month and turn it off at 10pm to sleep. He was over-usage fee for first 3 months, has stopped doing extra chores to pay for his share, or does them under protest and sneaks phone on when we are asleep. We have taken it away from him but pattern returns again.
He is a beautiful boy but very detached right now.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.

To ease your concerns, I must advise you that your son's behavior is typical for his age. He is attempting to assert his independence by becoming more detached from the family. He may not enjoy doing the same family things as your family once did. He also may have become more disrespectful and "back talk" as he only feels like he is expressing his opinion concerning matters. Children his age are very much into the social scene. With the advances of technology, they interact on the computers through social networking sites and on their cell phone. There ae also intereactive video games in which players can even talk to each other like the favorite game of "Call of Duty."


However, a positive aspect is that your son is involved on the basketball team..and Varsity at that. Do not take that accomplishment away from him. But it will do him good to make him sit out of games when he misbehaves. There must be some consequences for his misbehaving.


Get him more involved at home by assigning more chores to him at home. Make sure that the entire family sits down and especially has dinner together at least 4 times a week. Ask him about his day and how school is on a continous basis. Let him know that you still care. Yelling and screaming will not improve matters. It will only push your son away and he may turn even more to his friends and even negative social behaviors. It is difficult for boys to open up and express themselves.


Maybe you should try taking away his phone for a week if his behavior continues. You can even install a parental control on his computer and block Facebook completely. He must be made to alsmost feel like he is in jail, especially on the weekends with no friends over, no phone, no computer access, no tv.


As the parent, you must always stay focused and in control. Keep the lines of communication open and honest in a non threatening manner. Always let your son know what you expect of him and what the consequences will be if he does not live up to those expectations. He will whine and complain but tell him that life is not easy and he will one day realize that what you are doing s for his own personal good and overall welfare.


I hope that this has helped. If so, please ACCEPT so that I may be paid for my efforts. Thank you and have a great day. If I can be of further assistance, please let me know.

Edited by Erica.13 on 12/9/2010 at 1:34 PM EST
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