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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I am dealing with my 15 year old daughter, who is a little

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I am dealing with my 15 year old daughter, who is a little shy, maybe little low self esteem and really doesnt set goals high. She doesnt like to meet new people, just comfortable with the way things are. Doesnt hang around girls at school and doesnt get involved with activities at school but does play on the softball team there and is involved with travel softball. She gets good grades and teachers enjoy her. She is hanging around a group of boys that are not good influencers and not athletes or involved at school. I think she is unapproachable at school and therefore finds it hard to meet new friends. How do I help my daughter be more approachable and want to meet new friends?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Has your daughter always been this way? Does she have any siblings?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Well, by looking at her and knowing her (active in sports, good grades, very cute girl, boys would say very cute girl) you and I wouldnt have thought this. But, she made a few bad decisions in school (ditching period after lunch, planned a ditching day with a boy to go to his house and chill, luckily we caught her before 1st period!) then finding out who she hangs with at lunch, and her not having many girl friends started me looking very closely at her.

She does have an older brother by a year, that is very outgoing, knows everyone, athlete, great attitude and gets along with everyone and wants to meet new people all the time.

When I told Danielle she needs to meet new friends and hang around a better crowd, she said she doesnt like to meet new people. I named a few girls and she said girls have too much drama and she doesnt like that. She also says that she doesnt like school. I think that is because she doesnt have girl friends and doesnt get involved.

When watching her at the stores or at baseball games, she may give off a not real friendly ora, unapproachable, somewhat like her father.

I worry that she will miss

 

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Ok..She does not have any female friends and needs to br more approachable... Having too many male friends as a female is not a good idea. I will assist you more.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

My worry is that she will be missing great opportunities that come her way because she isnt noticed. She is a good girl, nice heart and enjoys family.

When I was in high school, I had a best friend that is still to this day, 30 years later.

Some of my most favorite memories come from this relationship. The boys she chooses to hang out with are to me, below her, in terms of getting good grades and athletics and really not into school. My feeling is that this group is easy for her because they accept her and they may treat her as a princess since she has things going for her. She has pushed away 2 boys that liked her, to me these boys were the type I would like to see her like, but I think because they were active in school and athletics and have a lot of friends, that is not comfortable for her.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
She has girl acquantances, but not close girl friends at school, girls that she can pal around with during lunch. Because she is with mostly boys, i think she likes the boy attention, thats not a good thing, because thats not the attention you want.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

You are very correct in the fact that she is receiving the wrong type of attention from the boys. I suppose that she is in the 10th grade or so. What are her interests? Maybe enroll her in some classes at a Junior College where she can meet other people, hopefully girls. Do you have any close friends with daughters around the age of 15? If so, have them come around and do activities with them. I am concerned because of your stating that your duaghter may have low self esteem. It really is not normal for a young woman of 15 years to be so introverted and not want to have female friends. Have you ever thought about counseling for your daughter? She may not want to open up to you because she may fear of being judged by you. A counselor or a psychologist would be a neutral source that she could share her concerns with in a non threatening environment. I think that it would be worth a try. Your daughter seems like she has a good head on her shoulders and I applaud you for being a concerned mother.

 

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

You are very correct in the fact that she is receiving the wrong type of attention from the boys. I suppose that she is in the 10th grade or so. What are her interests? Maybe enroll her in some classes at a Junior College where she can meet other people, hopefully girls. Do you have any close friends with daughters around the age of 15? If so, have them come around and do activities with them. I am concerned because of your stating that your daughter may have low self esteem. It really is not normal for a young woman of 15 years to be so introverted and not want to have female friends. Have you ever thought about counseling for your daughter? She may not want to open up to you because she may fear of being judged by you. A counselor or a psychologist would be a neutral source that she could share her concerns with in a non threatening environment. I think that it would be worth a try. Your daughter seems like she has a good head on her shoulders and I applaud you for being a concerned mother.

 

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I feel that enrolling her in Junior college would put her with people much older and mature than her, not sure I would like that. We do keep her around girls from the teams she plays on. She does like to hang around those girls but they go to different schools.

What I started doing with her is playing Beat the Greet, which requires you to make eye contact and greet people before they greet you. My thoughts are this might open her up a bit. I thought low self esteem for her because she doesnt put herself out there, stays in the back ground and gives off a non approachable vibe. Are those signs of low self esteem. The other issue that I thought about is laziness. This way she doesnt have to work hard to make or keep friends, makes it easier.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Oh...forgive me...I meant community classes at a JC with her age group. Have you ever thought about a change in schools?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Yes...your daughter is suffering from low self esteem and laziness is a part of it.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
I would also suggest trying to get your daughter involved in any opportunities where she can feel like a leader.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I have considered change in schools but because her brother is at same school, I like that, and also thought if I change schools, that might put way too much pressure on her and I will drive her further away.

 

what classes would you recommend for her to attend?

 

My goal right now would be to get her to be open to the idea of meeting new friends at school, girls and boys. And have her realize that she gives off an unapproachable vibe to people and that shuts people out. Also to see that there is joy in highschool if you want there to be.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
I would suggest counseling so she could receive on going treatment and assessments of dealing with her issues.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Her counselor, whom I speak with regularily, said she seems to be more of a follower and not a leader.

Both her coach and counselor have nominated her to be picked up by a club at school which is for athletes and leadership on campus.

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
That is what she needs to foster more leadership skills and help her self esteem improve.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Im worried about sending her to a counselor because I dont want her to think there is something "wrong" with her.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
You can tell your daughter that you want her to be the best that she can be and that you are acquiring the assistance of a counselor to help her.
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
proexpert37 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
You will not be sending the "wrong" message to your daughter . I am sure that she is already aware that she is different from others. YOu are only doing what is in the best interest for your daughter. She is at the age where she is not going to like everything that you do for her.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Thank you and I wish the best for you and your daughter.

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