You are doing the right thing in every way , shape, and form. You have already tolerated way too much. Your daughter is now the legal age of an adult. If she continues to steal and use ATM cards and write checks not of her own among the other bad behaviors, have you ever thought of pressing charges against her? You must protect yourself. Since she is back in the house, you and your husband must lay down the laws of the house and explain to her the house rules. If she refuses to follow those rules, then put her out. I know that may sound harsh but it is basically tough love.
Your husband should not continue to give in to your daughter the way he does. He must be on the same page as you. He needs to continue to seek counseling and receive further coping and intervention skills in dealing with his daughter. He seems to be weak and needs more strength to stand up for the right things that your daughter should be doing. He is only contributing to the monster that has been created in your daughter.
She is an adult and needs to be treated like one. Life is way too easy for her. She must either get back into school or get a job. She cannot live with you and your husband and freeload off of you both. She is too old for that. I would suggest counseling for her but it may be very difficult to get her to attend. She needs to get her head on straight and have more of a focus in her life. She seems to have too much free time on her hands. She needs to become involved in other activities to direct her thoughts away from this bad behavior.
YOUR DAUGHTER's MOTHER
She sounds like a very unhappy individual. I would not worry about her threats. That is just the alcohol and depression talking.
You, your husband, and your daughter should all sit down and have an honest and open discussion without verbally attacking each other. You and your husband should state your expectations and your feeling about what has been happening. Let your daughter speak as well. Let her get all of her feelings out about everything and then go from there. But like I previously mentioned, since she is back in the house, she must follow the rules or suffer the consequences.
This will take time and maybe one attempt to successfully accomplish. Keep trying.
I hope that this has helped. If so, please ACCEPT so that I may be paid for my efforts. Thank you and have a great day.