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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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I am the step mother of a very,,,VERY pampered and spoiled

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I am the step mother of a very,,,VERY pampered and spoiled child. Long story short, after years of warning her father of the horrific consequences there would be, she has been suspended from high school no less than 3 times, then finally expelled after her 3rd minor
consumption (early in the morning at school)....Stolen, via credit cards, atm with stolen pin number, writing checks to herself, upwards of 23,000 dollars (Mine and her father's money.)
Dad does nothing except feel sorry for himself. I get pissed, threaten to leave, we go to therapy, get told to let her fall and don't pick her up....on and on. So, finally after an expensive ordeal with private teachers, she finally goes off to college. Whew.......after 2 more car accidents, at least 3 speeding tickets, she quits school (made it a whole 2 months) and is now thinking she can move back home. My feelings totally put aside and her dad's are "she is a young child needing guidance", is it the right thing to let her come home?, I have to live with a lock on my door of my dressing room. She steals my things and sells them. Just got home from NY, her dad and I, to find that she has already started moving in. She broke into my room and somehow even had my password XXXXX get on my computer...Of course she has no money, no where to go, but this will ruin what is left of our relationship. Small house, I have asked for answers on here before, I have predicted all of this. How do I make him understand that letting her come home is only continuing to enable her? Or am I being the "psychotic bitch" that she thinks I am? Oh, I also found 11 empty vodka bottles under her bed when i cleaned out her room....we need help. Desperate in MN.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
How old is your daughter? How long has she been in your life? Is she an only child?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
She will be 19 this coming January. I have been involved in her life for 7 years. She is an only child and part of the pampering is because she has an alcoholic and caustic mother who constantly is screaming at her dad. The mother is basically homeless. She lives with whomever will take her in. I recently listened to a message on his phone "I am sorry you had to marry such an "f"ing bitch. That bitch has really "f"ed up our daughter. I know you don't like to be threatened, but if anything happens to our daughter....." She did not finish. Her father and I have been married for 4 years.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
There are several issues that need to be addressed here . I will create a thorough plan for you to assist you.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

YOU

You are doing the right thing in every way , shape, and form. You have already tolerated way too much. Your daughter is now the legal age of an adult. If she continues to steal and use ATM cards and write checks not of her own among the other bad behaviors, have you ever thought of pressing charges against her? You must protect yourself. Since she is back in the house, you and your husband must lay down the laws of the house and explain to her the house rules. If she refuses to follow those rules, then put her out. I know that may sound harsh but it is basically tough love.

 

YOUR HUSBAND

Your husband should not continue to give in to your daughter the way he does. He must be on the same page as you. He needs to continue to seek counseling and receive further coping and intervention skills in dealing with his daughter. He seems to be weak and needs more strength to stand up for the right things that your daughter should be doing. He is only contributing to the monster that has been created in your daughter.

 

YOUR DAUGHTER

She is an adult and needs to be treated like one. Life is way too easy for her. She must either get back into school or get a job. She cannot live with you and your husband and freeload off of you both. She is too old for that. I would suggest counseling for her but it may be very difficult to get her to attend. She needs to get her head on straight and have more of a focus in her life. She seems to have too much free time on her hands. She needs to become involved in other activities to direct her thoughts away from this bad behavior.

 

YOUR DAUGHTER's MOTHER

She sounds like a very unhappy individual. I would not worry about her threats. That is just the alcohol and depression talking.

 

YOUR FAMILY

You, your husband, and your daughter should all sit down and have an honest and open discussion without verbally attacking each other. You and your husband should state your expectations and your feeling about what has been happening. Let your daughter speak as well. Let her get all of her feelings out about everything and then go from there. But like I previously mentioned, since she is back in the house, she must follow the rules or suffer the consequences.

 

This will take time and maybe one attempt to successfully accomplish. Keep trying.

 

I hope that this has helped. If so, please ACCEPT so that I may be paid for my efforts. Thank you and have a great day.

proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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