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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
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Im a 56 year old woman with two grown sons (I was a young,

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Im a 56 year old woman with two grown sons (I was a young, single mom). My older son is married, with a baby girl this March - and lives in RI. My younger son has seen his career stall in NYC - somewhat due to industry shifts and economy - somewhat due to indecision about whether to join a "family relocation" to New England. He is now reluctantly living with me as I prepare for a move out of the house I've just sold in NJ (after 10 years - and he lived around the block). I'm moving into a condo in MA - close to grad school, which I'm hoping to complete in 3 semesters. My younger son is struggling with the loss of his independence (as am I!) during the transition of moving in wi th me but even more so is freaking out about going to New England, insisting this will be the wrong move for his career. But, it's his only viable choice. We've been through the listening, arguing, etc. and I keep reinforcing his need to belief in his abilities and reinvent himself, as I am trying to do. I'm having a very hard time handling the stress of these arguments, the changes in our household already (and we're living admist boxes and lots of household stuff...) He has struggled with alcohol dependence in the past and I'm not sure what I'll do if this becomes a coping pattern as we enter this new life in another state. I am trying to present this as his choice. But there is no support in NJ for him. I'm presently very underemployed but as mentioned, am in school and am putting it all on the line betting that a different area than our present one will offer more support for jobs and opportunities. I don't know how to make my son not angry, or more hopeful, or constructive. Any perspective is so appreciated. I never do these types of online advice chats. Thanks! Carol
You have presented your son with two options. You have been very supportive of him. He has to make his own mind up as to what he would like to do. What would you like him to do? It sounds as though he may be entering a state of depression and may turn to alcohol for emotional relief. He is grown. He should be thankful that you are willing to support him. He may also be subconciously comparing himself to his brother who seems to be more successful. I would suggest that he seek professional career counseling either to help him find a job if he moves or remains and/or psychological counseling to help him deal with his personal negative feelings.
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