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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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hello, im a grandparent who has a 5 year old grandsonI have

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hello, im a grandparent who has a 5 year old grandson
I have had him every morn for 5 years now he is a wonderful loving little boy, who is a pleasure to watch. I need some advice, at home he is a different child or when his mom and dad are in my company, he acts up disruptive,does not listen his behavior changes, when his mother who is my daughter in law picks him up he completely acts up and his behavior is terrible.
this has been happening a few years now. but with me he is an angel picks up after himself like a little man. we go shopping and have fun projects and he is like a friend .
he went to pre k last year a little separation anxiety when mom left him and i went to pick him up he cried he wanted his mother. but i would promise him something and he would look forward to a treat and would forget it and it would be fine. a little back ground his mother seems to be jealous that he is so good and behaves it seems she resents me instead of kissing the ground he is not in day care which some working moms have no choice. he is given lunch and warm talks and cookies and milk and hugs for tears and all the love for him that he looks like he wishes his mom would be there . sometimes i feel bad cause he attaches himself to her and wont leave her side and is mean to me when she comes? and I think she likes it? go figure, I know my son if i tell him he said a curse and where did he get that from or tells me to shut up or stop complaining (whatever that means) he has been acting a little different these days where I notice on a monday,   I only see him from mon to fri then i dont hear or see them any other time over the weekend, his father works all the time financially struggling she works overtime as much as she can. most times he is with his mom or my daughter will take him a few hours on sat or sun till his father comes home. from weekend work. so they dont have a comforting settled home like i offer him ..he comes here he puts slippers on and talks with me and then puts a special movie or cookies we make and he has a special chair and room for himself. he is like a little king and is very comfortable. but at home they are always running and doing. and I must say my son is not the most respectible to me he is a good son but rebelious and defiant most his life towards me and encourages the grandson to behave like that towards me when he is around.
but in front of people!!! he will repremand him and be tough love and it makes me sick make up your mind. how you want this kid to be. one minute he is showing and encouraging bad behavior and then in front of people a sudden change in showing tough love discipline. I always thought my son needed help because the neighborhood things my son is the mayor and a great guy but not at home he was always rebellious and defiant, i seeked help but he would undermine me and everyone would just think i was a over powering mom. so he got away with a lot.
also my husband adores my son and lives in denial when he needed to be dicisplined he would show my son that he was all for him and never team up with me so he used it against me whenever he needed to be dicisplined he would go to good old dad to this day and accuse me of being a nag or a pain. but believe me I took a lot of abuse and i neglected myself to push and encourage and get hm on the right tract. thank God we got thru without too much serious stuff, at least no drugs or drinking. but defiant rebellious behavior was difficult cause it could have gotten him into serious trouble many times fighting and back talking and not following rules were his thing. and dad sat in denial. my son is controlling his wife is quiet as a mouse she loves him and adores him and she does whatever he wants ... if I say something to her about doing for herself and not accepting his backtalk or demands she says oh he just does that in fron of me. to annoy me ??? I dont see how cause he was like that growing up.
I have a daughter who was laid back quiet and a real sweet child my son took so much time up from all of us she was an angel, she had difficulty with reading and was not the student my son was. altho her behavior changed at 17 she started acting up and mimicking my sons behavior i could not figure it out. wound up abusing me also and i also helped her get thru no matter how hard it was and with no support cause my husband always sided in with his kids if they complained i was being a nag or asking for them to
do a chore or something now he would say why now they will when they are ready. and i would look for support with school calling me for attendance they would not go if
they did not get a ride, and there were all conditions on
me ...not them..... their behavior was poor their choice of friends were poor, but i got them thru by keeping them busy and getting them jobs. and getting abused,
they are both married now. to nice people thank God thanks to me not accepting the other choices they had for
partners.I added a lot more info on (what have we done so far!) hope you read that, my question at the end was that i have just been asked after picking him up from school to talk with his teacher she said she is having a difficult behavior is changed and she sees how he interacts with me and thought to talk with me, i asked if she talked to mom she said not yet, i told her i would talk with her, he teases kids and his behavior she feels he is not getting it??? she will talk more with me tomorrow, after school . i was not sure if my daughter in law would appreciate this, i told her i would keep it confidential as i dont think she would like it, but would like to hear the problem im sure my daughter in law would never share with me to help . so i will listen and suggest to the teacher to keep me in touch and that i will keep and eye on his behavior and that she should talk with the mother and not have to include me with this. I feel its best she is the mom. but I know her problem is that my son is a bad influence when it comes to respect and behavior towards me and in the family unit but out side he is mr respectable??? i guess he knows no one would put up with that behavior and he cant and could not get away with it with anyone else. i believe my grandson is picking up those habits. what is your
suggestion on how to handle this, i will see his teach for more details in the afternoon after school tomorrow. please i dont want this innocent little child to suffer the consequenses he doesnt have me for his entire life to help him stay out of trouble like my son and daughter did, and i love this little boy to death.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Would you like a thorough list of suggestions to assist you?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

your answer was would i like a thoro list of suggestions to assist you?

of course? did you send another response that I did not see?

 

i dont understand your question? I need help I want to do the right thing for my little grandson my husband is in denial always in life dont want any problems cant handle nothing always had all on my shoulders he was a good supporter but that was it dont bring him any problems.

 

he is a little angry and negative now and his responses to me are not as nice as they used to be and he yells at my grandson if he hears anything like this or i have to repremand my grandson he says he is spoiled and starts yelling at him and my grandson starts cursing and acting out???

 

and rebelling bad at him. and i have to get all lupset, i dont know how to control my husbands behavior ..i feel i get a lot from my grandson when im calm and talking and understanding he is quite the gentlemen and helpful little child.

sometimes he cant handle no! but i distract him and he listens and it works he does not like to be yelled out or screamed at he acts up worse,

 

the same as my son. but my husband is acting out and makes the behavior worse.

 

what do I do. Im sick its going to affect his life, today they label kids and they

start saying dysfuncional and all those behavioral treatments it scares me as i know he is fine with me / and does not need a lot of disapline. please help

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.
Ok..I will assist you in your situation.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
thankyou! will be waiting to hear!
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Wow...you really have a lot going on in your life.

With the relationship with your husband: There is really nothing you can do or say to change his actions and beliefs. He seems to be set in his ways. He displaces his anger about other life events onto you which is not fair but that is his nature.

 

With the relationship with your son: He is an adult now. You have raised him. It is now his turn to be the parent even if you do not agree with his parenting style. It is true that he did not have a good role model of a dad growing up, but that was in the past. Your grandson is still young and there is hope that your so may change his parenting styles.

 

With the relationship with your daughter in law: Let her be the parent. Unless your son and daughter in law gave you specific directions to discuss the academic and behavior issues of your grandson at school, then do not try and fill their shoes.

 

With the relationship with your grandson: Continue to be the most loving grandmother that you can be. It sounds like your grandson means the world to you. Continue to do all of the things that make him happy to brighten his world.

 

Overall, I think that there are serious issues in the lifestyle of your grandson with regards XXXXX XXXXX home environment. It sounds like he is not getting the love , attention, respect, and care that he needs to emotionally thrive while at home. Therefore he will act out at home and it will in turn carry over into his relationships at school. He behaves well with you because he receives all that he needs. He is still young, but things must turn around in his home environment.

 

It is hard to change other people. We can only change ourselves. I would suggest that you seek professional counseling to learn coping and intervention strategies on how to deal with all of these issues. It seems like the only person who values your existence is your grandson. But you have been the glue that has held the family together.

 

If you have health insurance, call the customer service department and they can steer you in the right direction for counseling. You need a neutral source to discuss all of these issues with. It is just overwhelming to continue to live the way you are living.

 

If this has helped, please ACCEPT. BONUSES are appreciated as well for my efforts. Have a great day!!!

proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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