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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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My 7 year old is hitting kids at school and generally being

Resolved Question:

My 7 year old is hitting kids at school and generally being disruptive.
My son keeps telling me that other kids are blaming him for things
he hasn't done. yesterday he kicked another kid in his "privates".
He told the teacher that the kid wouldn't stop following him around.
He also has developed a "snotty" attitude when told to do something
he doesn't want to do. i remind him not to speak to me in that tone.
i can't believe he has become so grumpy and mopy!
Any suggestions?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 6 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am so very sorry to hear about what you are experiencing with your son. Let me say this to you. First, one cannot diagnose a problem over the internet, not knowing all the details. Also, children don't sit down and talk to you about their problems. They just don't. That's why we child therapists do play therapy with children. We watch the children play and enact different scenerios and then we figure out what is going on with the child. All this to say that it is not clear what your son's problems are --- but he obviously, as you well know is having problems. I would not delay --- I would bring him to a child therapist so that he may be properly diagnosed and so that the therapist can then meet with your son and figure out what is troubling him. I definitely would not take away privileges, not have early bed times, not go to bed without dinner and certainly not spank him. Your son is presenting symptoms. You and the teachers at school do not know what the symptoms are about. You don't want to aggravate the symptoms even more. Please make an appointment with a child therapist who will be able to help you decode what is going on with your son. Where in the US do you live --- city, state and zip code so that I may help you find someone.

JACUSTOMER-jqif7b9f- :

i'm at work so i can't answer right now. Can i respond later?

JACUSTOMER-jqif7b9f- :

We are actually taking our other son to a therapist. He had some problems in

JACUSTOMER-jqif7b9f- :

Kindergarten. So i guess we will have her see our 2nd grader too. thanks

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Absolutely, just ask for me in case we are not in Chat mode. I'll check back to see if you are back.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thanks. You say above.... I definitely would not take away privileges, not have early bed times, not go to bed without dinner and certainly not spank him. Your son is presenting symptoms...

It seems like there should be some kind of consequence for his actions/acting out. ??

In trying to figure out his behavior change....THe only thing we can think of is that he had a "Best friend" in 1st grade last year who is not in his school this year. We, his parents, are happy about this because Jesse (the friend) got Misha in a lot of trouble last year. I think this might be part of the issue....I told him last year that he needed to make other friends besides Jesse as Jesse might not be in 2nd grade with him.

There are a lot of other things involved whch is too much to get into but we are trying to get our sons into a different school because of these problems and based on the psychologists observation of our yournger son in his kindergarten classroom. ALso, my husband is a teacher in this district and it is a big strain on him to have these issues going on with his kids.

Anyways, this is putting a lot of stress on my husband and me. I feel he is being very strict and threatening all the time and i get mad at him for it and the kids see this between us.

THanks for listening!
I just never imagined i would be having these problems in 2nd Grade!!!! What happens in High school!
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 6 years ago.
I am really sorry about what you are going through. And, certainly understand the strain that your husband is going through since he teaches in the district. What I said refers to the fact that you don't know why your son is doing these things. That's why I thought it was so crucial to get him evaluated by a child therapist ASAP so that you might learn why he is doing what he is doing. If there is something that is going on with him that he has no control of and then you punish him you are not helping the situation. That's why it's important to have him evaluated. If the therapist doesn't think there is anything underlying his behaviour and then you have him pay for the consequences, then that's a different story.
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