Wow...you must feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I would suggest that continue seeking counseling or even change counselors. You can not change the actions and behavior of your children. You can only change yourself. When other people see a change in ourselves, then they may change as well. 2 of your children are adults so their beliefs are totally ingrained in themselves.
You need to seek an on going support group in which a group of women meet to discuss their problems and intervention and coping strategies of how to deal with various issues. The group would be led by a counselor or psychologist. I think that this would be very beneficial for you. You need to see that other women too have been verbally and emotionally abused and how they have dealt with it. There is no need to feel shame. A support group will lift up your spirits. Ask your current counselor for leads to support groups. Even if you belong to a church, there are support groups there as well.
You are a valuable human people with a lot to contribute to society. Do not let the beliefs of a few define who you are!!!
I hope that I was able to shed some light on the situation. If so, please ACCEPT. BONUSES are accepted too in appreciation for my efforts. Have a great day!!!!
Ask for Erica.13 in your question if you would like further assistance. Thank you.