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proexpert37
proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I have a nineteen year old daughter who failed at 1st year

Customer Question

I have a nineteen year old daughter who failed at 1st year of university. all her problems could have been avoided if she had taken my advice about the way she was behaving. Now she still refuses to listen to me and change her behaviours. she does not eat healthy, no excercise and sleeps too much. she has put on too much weight and has a lazy approach to study but IS very bright. upto then she was a straight A student.
her health is bad and what started out a promising career is now looking doomed to illness and failure.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Bonnie replied 3 years ago.
Since she was a straight A student and is now failing, it is likely that more is going on than unhealthy living. The increase sleep, decreased exercise and lack of motivation/energy may be signs of depression. The possibility of drug or alcohol involvement (maybe to self-medicate) should also be considered.

I would recommend a complete evaluation by her GP and a referral for therapy if GP finds any of these problems (depression, alcohol or drug abuse).
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX considered depression but there are no signs. But do you think thats the reason for her not following any advice from me.

 

Uni is much harder than A levels and her living away is hard for her too.

She is quite cheerful and always seems positive but simply doesnt seem to respect my solution to her problems.

 

Its as though she feels she knows better all the time even though her methods and approach have failed. How can I get her to try my approach which is proven to work.?

Expert:  Bonnie replied 3 years ago.
Most late adolescents and young adults resist parent advice. They are at a developmental age where they want to be independent and make their own decisions. That is why I would get the GP involved. She is more likely to take the advice of the doctor.

I am not convinced that depression or anxiety is not a possibility and strongly feel that it should be addressed by the MD.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
I am sure my daughter is not depressed.

My question was looking for advice on my technique of getting through to her. I want to know how to get her to follow a mutually agreed plan.
Expert:  Bonnie replied 3 years ago.
I have opted out so that another can contribute to the discussion.
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 3 years ago.

Hello....

 

Your daughter has many issues going on in her life: emotional, physiological, as well as psychological. That is a lot to deal with at one time. Then to top it off, she has to deal with your much warranted suggestions to help her improve her life. It seems as though she is completely overwhelmed with all of the events in her life. It also seems as though nothing more that you can say will help her improve. She hears what you have to say, but she is nor actively processing it. I think that you have come to a crossroads in which you need to seek professional help yourself first on coping strategies in dealing with your daughter. A trained psychologist or counselor can assist you in such strategies. You would need to meet with such an individual one or two times a month or more. They can provide you with intervention strategies to help you deal with daughter. Also, they might suggest seeing your daughter if she is willing. Oftentimes, a neutral party like a psychologist or a counselor is the best route to take. They allow you to completely open up to them and share your feelings and concerns without being judgmental. Their advice is always so helpful . If you would like to take that route, contact the customer service representative of your health insurance and they can steer you in the right direction. All in all, I think your daughter needs to hear solutions to her problems from a different perspective. Your options now are somewhat limited.

 

If this has at all helped, please ACCEPT. Have a great evening!!!

proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience: Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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