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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I need help! I have a lovely daughter.. my only child.. shes

Customer Question

I need help! I have a lovely daughter.. my only child.. she's 14.. and probably a little too mature for her "britches". We have always kept her involved with Girl Scouts, and other school activities.. has had many friends and has had good child hood. I think!

She started her period at 11 years old.. so the hormones have been coming. Hormones and the boys are now. Well, Last May, I learned that my child and her friends have been sneeking out of the house in the middle of the night to meet with boys. I had read her diary to learn this.. Previously, to that I had promised my daughter I would not snoop in her room and read her diary ..Because of a previous confrontation I had promised I wouldn't.. HOWEVER, last year around that time.. she was acting up so AND being so mean towards me.. and I couldn't figure out what was wrong.. so I broke my promise when she was at school and read her diary and learned she had been sneeking out.. Well, then, my husband and I decided to wait and not do anything when we learned this but, to keep a close eye on her.. And, sure enough on Jun 7 she and her friend did it again, and we found the room was empty 1:30 am.... I called her on her cell and husband I got in the car, found her down the street.. and learned she was meeting boys with alcohol .. we called the friends parents.. restricted my daugther for the whole month of Jun.. I had many talks with her.. she promised not to do it again I never told her I had read the diary before.. and we just addressed what happened. I was sure that she wouldn't do this again..

Well, now she has entered High school.. My husband and I went away few weeks ago, for short weekend trip, and we had a 21 yr old and her sister, stay over with my daughter.. and, today I read her diary.. and apparently, she snuck out that Saturday nite we were gone.. from 2 -4 am.. met up with a boy, and had a little touching and hickie giving..

I don't know what to do.. I thought for sure she would never do this again..The boy she had met.. she doesn't even like that much. She talks about other girls, that have Boyfriends, and other girls that have been asked to the Homecoming.. and she has not,
I don't know.. to me 14 is too young.. she is in Honors classes, in ASB at school.. joined the Fashion Club, in a Cheerleading club, I let her go to the football games, mall,, take her shopping.. as a family we go to car races and dinner many Saturdays.. I just don't know what to do? I know I need to handle this before it gets out of hand..and she ends up pregnant at 15. Any advice will be appreciated!
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

Your daughter is definitely too young to be involved in such activities with boys and especially the sneaking out of the house. It sounds as though she is simply trying to "fit in " with the in crowd. I do not think anything that you say or do will stop her at this point. What I do suggest is that you seek professional assistance from a neutral source like a trained psychologist, counselor, or family therapist to seek coping and intervention strategies on how to deal with this situation before it escalates even further. Your daughter may want to attend the sessions as well to give her a more beneficial sense of direction. If you have health insurance, contact the customer service representatives and they will steer you in the right direction. Your daughter sounds like a great kid but has made some poor decisions. Continue to provide the support for your daughter in the things that she is doing well. Seek assistance to help in the other areas.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I had a feeling that was the next step! But, what am I going to say to her.. as I don't want to let her know I read her diary..and break the trust.. at the same time. I'm trying to protect her.. and then, what do we say to the therapist.. she probably won't go willingly at first..
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
All of your questions can be brought to the attention of the therapist. You and your husband...if he is willing...need to discuss all of these issues with a therapist first. Be completely open and honest. The therapist will suggest exactly how to handle ALL of your problems and the next steps to take. Your daughter does not need to know about your initial visits to the therapist.
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Yes, I think you are right... I will give this thought..and talk to my husband.. I'm just so upset about this.. trying to be a good mom.. my mother was so not always there for ME when I was growing up.. so thefefore, I'm trying to be better than I had.... and I quit my job, to be a stay home mom..and doing the best we can, we have been thru caner and a financial strain,.. but, our daughter has not done without as best we can... I will see if I can find a female Therapist that she can look up to and maybe listen to! I'm not sure where you are located.. but, It would be so nice if you could recommend someone!
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.

If you would like further info on seeking a professional counselor, relist another question in the Health category and another expert will be able to assist you as well. Thank you.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Okay Thank you!

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 6 years ago.
You are welcome. Hang in there. Us moms have the weight of the world on our shoulders so do not feel alone!!!!

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