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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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Hi there. My daughter is 4 years old, and she is not herself.

Resolved Question:

Hi there. My daughter is 4 years old, and she is not herself. Besides the fact that there's a child at school that hurted her, she does not want to go to school. This week she started with tummy cramps and throwing up in the morning. Being perfectly fine in the afternoon when I fetch her and in the morning untill I tell her she must get dressed for school. She will start crying about everything and it will end up in a huge fight in the house. We also have a little baby of 6 months in the house, and I don't think it's that, because she jokes with him, hugg him and not funny towards him at all. This morning I asked her AGAIN what's wrong, and she said she wants to go to a other school. What should we do? I'm a working mom and my husband also not sure.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. Did this happen after the child at school hurt her? Was she happy to go to school before that incident.?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Are you there?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Are you able to answer those questions?

Customer :

Hi there, Yes, she was fine before the incident. I don't know if it was the indicident that caused her to become like this. After that she just started to become a nightmare to deal with. Ignoring us both when we talk to her, and the mornings that she's sad like that. She's a little girl with a very strong personallity, and she will always sing and talk, and talk and talk :) Now, she's like that when with us, but when I mention school, she will ask me if she can stay at home because she's not feeling well.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Hi

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Have you talked to her teacher about the other child hurting her and that now she doesn't want to go to school?

Customer :

Yes, and they say she's fine during the day. We talked to the principal about the other child, and they did nothing about it. Just told the other parent, and said that it's just a accident. They took my daughter into the office and interegated her, how is it going at home, what's bothering you ?... and when I asked the principal who gave her permission to do this, she answered that she will never do anything to hurt my daughter and she meant well. I feel that they should have done that with both kids, and not make my daughter think she did something wrong. She was fine after that, just quite and I have to pull everything out of her.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I think it would be crucial to talk to the teacher. She cannot stay home. She has to be forced to go to school. I'll explain why. When a child has a school phobia it usually cannot be analyzed. The only way to work it through is to make the child go to school and the issue becomes manifest and then can be dealt with. That's why I think it is crucial that the teacher knows about this. The teacher will then sit down with both of them and help them work it out. This way, you avoid a pattern of your daughter acting out like that, at home and at school(by not wanting to go to school). If this doesn't work, then you have to look deeper. I know you said that she is fine with her little baby brother and that she hugs him. That doesn't mean that she's not jealous that he stays home and she is sent off to school. That is not too much to worry about but it could exist.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I just noted what you wrote.

Customer :

Do you think I should move her to other school? I'm worried that they will hurt her personality, as they are like spunches at this age.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I ABSOLUTELY AGREE with you about the other child should have been talked to with your daughter --- otherwise, as you say, she feels that she has done something wrong. I would talk to the school again and explain this to them that they should talk to both children so that your daughter doesn't feel as you described. If they don't want to do that then I would not feel comfortable having my child at a school where they are so insensitive to a child's needs and development.

Customer :

Thank you very much. I know what I have to do. I will recommend this site to all my friends with kids. We think we have all the answers, but ... we don't.

Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience: PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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