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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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My husband and I have an adult daughter, who until her marriage

Customer Question

My husband and I have an adult daughter, who until her marriage had what appeared to be a great relationship with our family. We approved of her husband, hosted them both several times before the wedding,including vacations with us, and paid for a very expensive wedding. Since wedding date, our daughter's contact with us has been minimal, occasional e-mail, not a single visit to us. I have visited a couple of times, not felt warmly welcomed, but no outright hostility. My daughter has also virtually cut contact with her sisters, and other family members on our side, but is very close to her husband's family. In her e-mails, she is sometimes nice, but more often downright cruel in her comments, no specific reasons given. Her first baby is due shortly, and her recent e-mails suggest that she is expecting her Dad and me, along with her husband's parents, to visit and stay at her house around the delivery date. This is our first grandchild, we plan to go for the event, but should we stay at their house, or at a hotel nearby ?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 4 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I would most definitely stay at her place. Try to put what she is doing behind you during this momentous time. Use this opportunity to be there, to be loving, to be supportive. I know it's hard given how she's been. Try to reestablish what you had.You could always go to the distancing yourself but why not give this very important occasion your all --- maybe, just maybe, she'll come around to her senses. If she does then at some later date when things are better between you, you might want to ask her about it. For now, I'd shelve it.

Customer :

OK, I'll go with your advice. I have asked my sister and aunt who are my 2 closest female pals, and they had opposing views. There is, as you surmised, a great deal of pain for me associated with this situation, but I am hoping that one day my daughter and I would be the pals we used to me.

Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience: PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
Dr. Shirley Schaye and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 4 years ago.
Oh, I can tell you how I understand how you feel. I have two adult children. I would be devastated, hurt and angry. I'm not suggesting that you swallow it and pretend it's not happening. I'm trying to help you create a more positive venue whereby you can revisit this issue --- not pretend that it's not happening. You never know, what will happen with everyone present --- maybe even his parents may help you. I'm not saying that this will work. I don't have a crystal ball. But put it this way --- if you go and are loving and supportive you may have a chance to turn it around. You know, it's not a friend. This is your daughter. I wish you well!!!!!!!
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 4 years ago.
How about that!!!!! Small world! As I said don't put it behind you --- give it a chance. If you need anymore help, ask. I'd be glad to help a fellow alumna. You know where to find me.
Shirley Schaye

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