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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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I have a son who is almost 15 months old. I was in the middle

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I have a son who is almost 15 months old. I was in the middle of grad school when I got pregnant and he was not planned. I wasn't even sure if I was going to have kids because I have such a bad relationship with my own parents. I ended up staying in school to finish and I only had one year left, but I think that might have been a mistake as now my son is not attached to me at all. It was a hard year of school with a lot of work and he spent time with dad and grandma usually. Plus, I was dealing with post-partum depression. I have now finished school and am able to be with him 5 days per week and I work 2. However, my son seems to be very rejecting of me. He only wants dad to comfort him and be with him, he turns to dad for everything. Just now he started crying in the night and I went to get him and he was screaming like he was terrified. I tried to hold him and he wouldn't let me and went around the house looking for dad (he was asleep on the couch because he is sick and had been up earlier) I feel like a horrible mother. I don't know how to fix this. I feel like I have ruined my relationship with my son because I really didn't bond with him much his first year and now he doesn't want anything to do with me. What should I do?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 3 years ago.

Good Morning,

 

You are not a horrible mother. If you are feeling guilty, your behavior even subconsciously displayed may be picked up by him.

 

You were doing what you had to do at that time in your life. Children are resilient and can also change and learn new behaviors as time goes by.

 

Patience would be needed on your end even if he is resistant. You are doing what you ought to be doing with him- spending time, playing, etc. He will get used to the new activities and your presence with time. Continue to engage him in the activities that he finds pleasant/fun.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you so much for your feedback. I think maybe he is picking up on how I feel about the situation, which is extreme guilt and rejection. So I guess it is just my issue? I certainly hope so. I would hate for him to grow up with unresolved subconscious rage directed at me. I think ultimately that is what I am afraid of. Then again, I am completely projecting my feelings towards my own mother onto him then. It is hard to know the difference between what my issues are, what is normal for a baby, and what isn't a big deal at all. So are you saying that there isn't an attachment issue? It is just change and getting used to things as they change?

 

Thank you!

 

Chrisa

Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 3 years ago.
Yes, -it is getting used to things with time/going through different stages. It is doubtful that he would feel rage because you're did not really abandon him all together. You are with him now and hence forward. Children even young ones can detect the emotions of the adults in their environment, So, you would just want to make sure that you rather resolve the feelings that you're struggling with.
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
Dr. Rossi and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks!
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 3 years ago.
Thank you.

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