How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Lori Gephart Your Own Question

Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  20 years of experience as a Psychologist and Parenting Coach. Parent of 2 grown children.
45699345
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Lori Gephart is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

A friend has asked me for advice regarding his grandson, given

Customer Question

A friend has asked me for advice regarding his grandson, given the fact that I spent 35 years as an inner city high school teacher. As somebody who has dealt with very troubled adolescents, I certainly have some thoughts on the matter, but I'm not a therapist, and am troubled about sharing them. Briefly: His daughter-caucasian-married an African American; they divorced after several years, having had a son who is now 17. Initially, the boy had some contact with his father, but none in recent years. Several years ago his mother remarried to a caucasian, and the family relocated to a predominantly white environment. The son is now in a rhab facility, the latest in a long string of troubles. He has been held back in school, is verbally abusive to his mother, has a serious marijuana habit, has been the object of anger on the part of a family with whose daughter he lhad been having a sexual relationship. He has been to counseling-and been. At one time it seemed as though he had found a young male African american counselor with whom he could connect, but that came to nothing. He does not talk to his stepfather, who disapproves of his wife's handling of th situation- constant lies, spoiling him, i.e. allowing him to crack up her car and then buying him a new one, accepting his abuse, lack of consequences, etc. Her father says that it is affecting her marriageto the point where he fears that divorce is,a possibility; he wants her to take a much harder line, even involving police when necessary. He's right when he says that I've spent a great deal of time working with troubled kids. my successes have been intense and gratifying, but there have been more painful fa. Sad to say my considered reaction is to urge him to prerevail upon his daughter to save her marriage- am not optimistic about the possibilities of this young man, much as i understand love.

Your thoughts?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 4 years ago.

 

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.

 

I am sorry to hear about the problems your friend is experiencing. I agree with you that to continue to enable this young man is doing no one any good. In order for there to be any hope of him deciding to make changes in his life he will have to face the consequences of his actions. If he is continually bailed out then there is no incentive for him to admit his problems, much less to do anything about them. His mother may have a difficult time in deciding to apply tough love, but this is the best thing, both for him, as well as for herself and for her marriage. It is important for the mother, as well as the other family members, to understand that we cannot change anyone but ourselves. The family may find this link for information about Narcotics Anonymous helpful: http://www.na.org/

 

I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HE/heidi1107/2012-2-18_15325_Heidi.64x64.jpg Heidi LPC's Avatar

    Heidi LPC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    16
    Licensed Professional Counselor
 
 
 

Related Parenting Questions