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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1760
Experience:  Parenting Workshops, Teacher, PHD Clinical Psychology, 30 yrs. Exp. 4 Children
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my 18 yo daughter just came home with 2 piercings on her lower

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my 18 yo daughter just came home with 2 piercings on her lower lip. I was not told of this til she walked in. It is 2 days before we leave for college. I would like to say take them out because they are not what I want for her. What do you think.

Hi, Piercings, as hard as it is for parents to accept, are popular and at 18 your daughter doesn't need your approval or permission. Lip piercing isn't as serious as the large hole piercings and can be taken out without any residual problems. At this point as frustrating as it is for you to watch it may be best to try and ignore. She is leaving in two days and you don't need more stress as getting kids off to school is stressful enough. The more you object the more she may rebel and get more piercings. She is trying to express her individuality and independence.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I thought you would say this. Would your answer be the same if she were 17. She did use some of her college spending money for this. She will just be 112 dollars short.

Hi. If she were 17 I would say the same only because the more you protest the more they dig in and do whatever they want. She is saying, I'm in charge of my body and can do what I want. I would rather deal with piercings than tattoos or an eating disorder. I had one child of my own who got a tattoo at 17 and now she is spending lots of her own money to have it removed and it isn't easily coming off. Lesson learned at her expense.When she talks about it and says how stupid it was to get it I nod and smile. You can expend the energy and stress over it or just tell her how you feel and let it go. I would hold her responsible for the money she is short. You told her how you feel about it and she is the one who has to deal with any pain or complications she may get from being pierced. I'd feel the same way you do, most parents would. You have to weigh whether making her remove them will push her further into expressing herself with piercings.

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