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Ask Lori Gephart Your Own Question

Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  20 years of experience as a Psychologist and Parenting Coach. Parent of 2 grown children.
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Hello, I am 38 years old and have been living and in love

Customer Question

Hello,

I am 38 years old and have been living and in love with a gentleman for over a year. I am now 10 week pregnant with him. We both knew this could happen as we were not using any protection. He is separated from his wife and has 3 children (aged 21, 19 and 16). He is now forcing me to get an abortion, but I am having the hardest time doing that as I never had children and love this gentleman. He asked me to leave our apartment this week. I wanted to know what were my rights, his obligations if I decided to keep the baby. I also found out that his wife and children don't know about our relationship. He was leading a double life. He is a very successful man and is well off.
What can I do?
I am pretty depressed and desperate as I am writing this. We are both very well educated people and I can't believe this is happening.

Thank you.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for contacting Just Answer.

 

I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing in your relationship. First of all it is important for you to remember that no one can force you to have an abortion against your will. This is your choice to decide what is right for you. From what you describe, this man seems to have been untruthful, most likely to both you and his wife. It appears that he is not treating you in a loving manner. To kick out someone who is carrying your baby does not sound like a loving action. Remember that actions speak louder than words. These are not respectful actions. These are serious red flags in any relationship. Remember that you deserve to be treated better, as does your child if you decide to keep it.

 

It will be important for you to check with your state to find out what the child support rules are as these vary from state to state. If he disputes paternity then you may have to arrange a paternity test. There should be a local listing for Legal Aid who could help you with this process. You may find this website helpful as well: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/unplannedpregnancy/

 

In the meantime, remember to work on taking care of yourself and give yourself permission to make your own decision about the pregnancy. Focus on healthy activities such as exercise, eating healthy, hobbies, time with supportive people, etc. Above all, make sure you give yourself unconditional love. I wish you the best with this difficult issue. Please let me know if I can help further.