My 14 year old grandson has become rebellious to his parents to the point that they feel they have no control over him at all. He readily admits that he has no intention of abiding by their rules. They are at their wit's end. What are some options?
They have tried grounding (which he ignores), logic, pleading, withdrawal of privileges such as use of his computer, etc. I'm not sure what else.
I believe the family needs to see a therapist to address whatever issues they are going through. This rebellious did not start over night. So the therapist can help them establish a family plan to make everyone's life easier. But first the therapist needs to assess the dynamics and the nature of the problems before a plan can be put in place. That is where I would start.
I'm sorry, Dr. Guilmino, I did not mention that family therapy has thus far been of little or no help. The parents are to the point of saying "If you are going to live here, you are going to follow the rules" -- but of course a 14-year-old can hardly be told to leave. Still, the idea that he can simply do pretty much what he pleases, yet enjoy the benefits of being part of a family (such as free food and shelter) is hardly acceptable.
It may be that I (and they) don't really know what questions to ask; but it does seem to have progressed past the point of therapy being able to solve the problem. Unless you know a therapist who is a retired Marine drill sergeant?
I think it is going to have to be up to the parents to get that "drill sergeant" mentality. It does need to be that he follows the rules or else he lives elsewhere. The thing I would do is revoke all privileges until he earns them back by following the rules. That means no video games, no tv, no cellphone, no computer, no friends, NO NOTHING except boredom until he follows the rules. He needs to earn these things botXXXXX XXXXXne. If the parents won't or can't enforce this then he needs to go somewhere that will enforce it.
"If the parents won't or can't enforce this then he needs to go somewhere that will enforce it."
What could that "somewhere" be? He hasn't committed a crime (yet); are there facilities for "incorrigible" juveniles? I'm not positive that that word fits, but if not it's pretty close...
I am hoping that even the option that this might happen could be a real help in this case.
There are residential treatment facilities for teenagers. You can do a google search of adolescent treatment centers near your residence or you can talk with social services and ask what places they use for troubled teens. That is always an option. Some places are long term and some go by a monthly basis. Could be just the intervention that will turn things around.
Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota