Would you please share- 1/did the behavior start 3 years ago (what other changes may have taken place then) and
2/does the behavior manifests only at home or at other places as well (school, dance class, etc)
3/Is there contact with her dad?
Thank you for clarifying.
It appears that her behavior is directed at you. It may be done for attention seeking (even negative attention is some attention) It may be also that this is a way of her punishing you (subconsciously) for things she believes you're responsible for in her life.
It may be also a defense mechanism (pushing you away) because she fears that you may not be in her life (and she is taking the preventative measures to distance herself from you)
If you have not tried to talk to her about your illness (and explain to her in language that she understands, you may want to do so) Let her see that people do get ill, there is medicine and treatment for that and it is not something you've chosen. Allow her to realize that you do care for her and that you lover her more than anything. Let her know that you really want to know that you can share this with her and it means a lot to you when she behaves (it makes it not as painful for you to have to deal with your illness and her anger)
If possible, think of things to do for mother-daughter bonding (whatever it is) Even if you assign her some tasks such as help you put on your earrings, make up, brush your hair, order a movie and some pizza and have a girls night.
Continue to show interest in what she does (if she does not let you stamp her report card, ask her if it would be ok to use your thumb to make an ink impression. It is more personable.
If you have not considered family counseling (something the two of you can benefit from) see if that is an option. The counseling should not be just for her. The two of you would have to do it (otherwise she will feel more alienated from you)
Finding a child therapist in your area would be where you would need to start. You've mentioned that you have tried to find someone to talk to her (if you have insurance coverage, then they should be able to direct you to the right person)