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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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I have a 10 yr old daughter who is very disrespective towards

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I have a 10 yr old daughter who is very disrespective towards me she never speaks to me these days she shouts at me she throws things at me she goes from room to room leaving a mess she never puts things away.
I am a single parent and I have MS at an advanced stage I am currently receiving Mitox every 3months to help me to have some sort of quality of life.
I have tried many areas for somebody to talk to and listen to my daughter I have been trying for 3yrs nobody is interested in helping so her anger is escalating out of control she does go to young carers but it is children from drink and drug related backgrounds who go I understand these children need support but in a differant way to my daughter.I tried to get support for her from school nurse she wouldnt help!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Morning,

 

Would you please share- 1/did the behavior start 3 years ago (what other changes may have taken place then) and

 

2/does the behavior manifests only at home or at other places as well (school, dance class, etc)

 

3/Is there contact with her dad?

 

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
3 years ago I was at Douglas Grant rehab unit for IV steroids my daughter was with me as she often was as I was attending as a day patient she hadnt came round to the room where you go for steroids so I went to see whare she was and I found her at the table with building bricks building what looked to me a wall to hide behind it set alarm bells off for me I asked straight away for her to speak to somebody , my consultant and all the staff have always spoke to her and she used to enjoy being with me until that day. She behaves at dancing she has been at her dance studio since the age of 4 I used to take her to dancing but now I cant , she is quite happy going herself, she is good at school both behavour and academically,I cant attend parents night but I do keep in touch with school by phone I cant sign her weekly behaviour card so I asked the headmaster if I could use a stamp which he agreed to but my daughter doesnt give me her card now.
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for clarifying.

 

It appears that her behavior is directed at you. It may be done for attention seeking (even negative attention is some attention) It may be also that this is a way of her punishing you (subconsciously) for things she believes you're responsible for in her life.

 

It may be also a defense mechanism (pushing you away) because she fears that you may not be in her life (and she is taking the preventative measures to distance herself from you)

 

If you have not tried to talk to her about your illness (and explain to her in language that she understands, you may want to do so) Let her see that people do get ill, there is medicine and treatment for that and it is not something you've chosen. Allow her to realize that you do care for her and that you lover her more than anything. Let her know that you really want to know that you can share this with her and it means a lot to you when she behaves (it makes it not as painful for you to have to deal with your illness and her anger)

 

If possible, think of things to do for mother-daughter bonding (whatever it is) Even if you assign her some tasks such as help you put on your earrings, make up, brush your hair, order a movie and some pizza and have a girls night.

 

Continue to show interest in what she does (if she does not let you stamp her report card, ask her if it would be ok to use your thumb to make an ink impression. It is more personable.

 

If you have not considered family counseling (something the two of you can benefit from) see if that is an option. The counseling should not be just for her. The two of you would have to do it (otherwise she will feel more alienated from you)

Finding a child therapist in your area would be where you would need to start. You've mentioned that you have tried to find someone to talk to her (if you have insurance coverage, then they should be able to direct you to the right person)

Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
Dr. Rossi and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

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