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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1761
Experience:  Parenting Workshops, Teacher, PHD Clinical Psychology, 30 yrs. Exp. 4 Children
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My ex wife always gets the children on Wednesday for her mid

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My ex wife always gets the children on Wednesday for her mid week parenting time from 4-8. Next week is my son's birthday and it is her year to have the children on their birthdays. However, my son's falls on her Wednesday. She is telling me that she will also get them an extra day this week because special occasions take presents over regular parenting time. The way I'm reading the guidelines she would just get them on her regular day even though it falls on her day. Just like Mother's day it fell on her regular scheduled weekend and it's a special occasion and she didn't ask for an extra day. So how do I address this with her? Or am I misunderstanding the guidlines?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.
Hi, you are probably right however, how much of a inconvenience would it be to let her see them another day? I'd save the disagreements for bigger problems. You two are adults and need to be able to compromise and do what is best for the kids.
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I agree that we are both adults and we should do whats best for the children. However, mom left the kids 7 years ago and has just come back into their lives a little over a year ago when she found out I got remarried. She now is seeing them every other weekend and one night a week and holidays when apply to her. If she doesn't cancel! The problem, do I keep letting her walk all over me, telling me what I'm going to do, and let her take my authority away just because it may save an argument. She also threatens me with court! I have been raising my children alone since my youngest was 21/2, 4 and 5. I don't need her to think she is gonna step back in and take control of our lives! She choose what she wanted a long time ago! Do you still think I should give her an additional day?
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 6 years ago.
Hi, sorry I was didn't see this additional posting until now. Mom is having remorse and no you should not let her walk all over you, telling you what to do. You may need to find some other means to make sure that the "rules" are for the most part, followed (legal). What I am hearing is your anger and disbelief that this person could walk out on her kids and now come back in and want to be a real "Mom". I'm agreeing with you, it doesn't seem right or fair, however, as the kids get older they are able to voice what they want and it might be to see Mom. What does she have to threaten you with? I'd take the high road and if the child wants another day, let the child say so. I would casually say, hey, Mom wants another day because of your birthday and if you decide to go it's okay by me. Then let it go.It's a one time deal. I know you're angry, and justifiably so, but just wait it out. What you don't want to do is get into a power struggle, you have custody, you have been there for the kids (and they know it) . I'd still keep the battleground quiet, save it for something bigger, and document everything that happens in case she decides to go through with her idle threats, she's really powerless and if she wanted to right things she wouldn't behave the way she is. Tough situation for all.
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