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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1492
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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I am divorcing my husband of 5 years and we have 2 kids. Is

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I am divorcing my husband of 5 years and we have 2 kids. Is it worth staying in the marriage even if I do not love him for the sake of our kids?
Absolutely not. If the parents are miserable then the children will be miserable. No amount of faking a good marriage will help either.
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Customer: replied 7 years ago.

To Dr. G.


1) What would be the potential negative effects on my 4 year-old daughter? How about my 8-month daughter? What things can I do to minimize the negative effects?


2) Is it better to have a happy home with only one parent than a home with two parents who do not love each other although we could agree that we can still live together and not fight?


3) My husband is proposing to make it work out because there are no big issues in our marriage -- no cheating, no addiction, no alcohol, no physical abuse -- just the constant fights about dividing household duties and money. However, we both admitted that we do not love each other anymore and that we even hate each other so I thought there is no poin tin trying again because it has been like this for the past 5 years (since the beginning of our marriage). That is why I thought the best way to go is divorce but I am afraid I am ruining my kids for not having a father since after the divorce he will move to Southern CA and we live in Northern CA.

1) Negative effect would be that initially the 4 year old would want everyone together but because that will not happen she will be disappointed and probably act out some. This will pass and no long term negative effects as long as both parents are supportive of the child and do not put her in the middle. The younger daughter won't know much.

2) I don't see anyone agreeing not to fight. If you are not marriage material than get the divorce.

3) You can't control how involved he is in the children's lives. It would be a great shame if he does not make effort to be with the children. If he does make effort then it might be court ordered to spend summers with him while they stay with you over the school year. Hopefully you two can arrange something without the court involved.
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