How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jennifer Your Own Question

Jennifer
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
30853534
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Jennifer is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My 14 year old daugthers room is digusting. A few months

Resolved Question:

My 14 year old daugther's room is digusting. A few months ago I decided to quit riding her about it and see what would happen. I won't go in there. There are piles of clothes, jewelry, money, garbage, luggage from a trip we took weeks ago, etc. If she happens to put something in the laundry I will wash it, but then put the clean, folded clothes in piles in the doorway for her to put away (which rarely happens). How should I handle this? Our house isn't perfect by any means, however, I like things somewhat in there place and relatively clean most of the time. Also, she now wants to "re-do" her room. At first I thought maybe that would be a good idea and that she might take some pride in her new room, but now I believe that we would be in the same situation within months of cleaning up the old room. Help??
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jennifer replied 4 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using Justanswer.com!

I have a few suggestions for you... The first is from Love & Logic -- a great parenting / teaching philosophy that I recommend often to families I work with and use myself with my own daughter. They list a lot of great strategies for effective discipline on their website (www.loveandlogic.com) and offer many free articles and videos as resources to parents. One technique from this theory when it comes to picking up is to simply say, "Feel free to keep the things you put away." She'll look at you, confused, and you'll then say, "At X:XX today I'll be coming to your room to see if it's clean. You can keep the things that are put away." The key here, although sometimes difficult, is to follow through. Perhaps everything NOT put away gets donated. Or perhaps you put it in a box and send it off to a friend or family member's house for a time (LONG enough for her to really miss them -- a month?) If you decide for a temporary loss, be sure to let her know what she needs to do to earn them back. Maybe it means keeping a clean room for X days to choose 1 item. Then another X days to choose another, etc.

Another strategy I've heard of in this scenario is to talk with your daughter about the fact that although it is her bedroom, the bedroom is part of YOUR house. As such, you're going to remove the bedroom door to her bedroom. It's your door and you'd like to have it off for a while. She's 14 -- the loss of privacy should be enough to get her going. Explain that you'd be happy to put it back when her room "matches" the rest of the house by looking neat and tidy.

In either of these scenarios, you can offer to help, provide her with storage boxes, hangers, an empty laundry basket, and cleaning supplies to get the job done. Remember this is her responsibility, though. You can teach her how to be organized and provide her with the means, but ultimately she's old enough to take care of cleaning her room or face the consequences.
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience: Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
Jennifer and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HE/heidi1107/2012-2-18_15325_Heidi.64x64.jpg Heidi LPC's Avatar

    Heidi LPC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    16
    Licensed Professional Counselor