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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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My son is 18 and in his 2nd semester of his freshman year in

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My son is 18 and in his 2nd semester of his freshman year in college. I am having indepedence issues with him for the first time since 7th grade. He lives at home still, I pay all his bills including his college and his new truck payment. He has one of my credit cards to pay for his gas and food yet he has become very difiant when I set rules for him such as a 2 am curfew and chores around the house. He is very vague about his grades & I just learned he isn't doing well at all this semester. He gets very angry when I try to discuss this with him and threatens to enlist in the military knowiing that this would kill me. I am at a loss and don't know what to do next or how to turn things around.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
First off, let's stop enabling the young man. He is not appreciative of the help you are giving him or the rules you set for YOUR house. If he wants to enlist in the military then that is his choice not yours. You need to have him be more independent with his bills, grades, housing, etc, if he cannot abide by your rules. BotXXXXX XXXXXne is if he doesn't help around the house and he comes and goes when he pleases then he needs to start paying his own bills. If the disrespect continues then he needs to find another place to live.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
How can I make him become responsible for his own bills when he is a fulltime college student? I want him to do well this is why I support him while he is in college. He still has a great deal of growing up to do & I don't want to abandon him and just say he's 18 now so he can make his own choices and mistakes, if I can prevent him from making the wrong choices I want to do that. Where does that fine line fit between enabling or abandoning when it is clear he still needs some level of guidance. He hasnt given me a problem until this recent semester. His first semester he did very well.
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
Students do it all the time without their parents' help. I see you want to prevent him from making mistakes? Is this really possible. If this is the case then you need to attend class with him and help him with his tests. He is 18 and knows right from wrong. Enabling is when you are giving and getting poor results in return. Take the truck away and let him catch the bus. Let him pay his own cellphone bill. You better believe my child start disrespecting me then all of those things I buy will be taken away right away.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience: Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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