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Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
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How can you get your eight (8) year old daughter not to talk

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How can you get your eight (8) year old daughter not to talk back and be respectful to their stepfather and their mother in a well loved home.
She is very impatient so her jerk reaction is to lash out in a verbal responds that is very hateful.
Since we are part-time parents, we split time with her dad who is verybally abusive. We have her on Monday, Tuesday, then to school on Wednesday and every other weekend. We participate in all of her school acctivities and she does not want for anything in material things.

We just need some hnts are feedback on what we can do to make a less stressful home.

Christine Deem
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jennifer replied 6 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using!

I'd recommend a strategy found in a parenting / teaching theory called Love and Logic. At a time when your daughter is not being disrespectful and you're getting along well, talk about the difference about being respectful vs. disrespectful (or being nice vs. rude, whatever you'd like to call it). You should all give examples using various tones, sarcasm, etc. Make sure she understands the difference. Next you'll tell her that from now on you only hear nice things.

The next time she talks back or is disrespectful in any way, ignore it completely as if you literally didn't hear her. She'll likely say something else, to which you'll say, "I'm sorry, did you say something? I can only hear nice things. I love you and I'd love to help you with what you want, but I can't hear rude words." Don't be sarcastic when saying all of this, it's just a statement of fact. She'll catch on quickly.

If you want more strategies like this, I'd recommend checking out the website It's a philosophy I recommend to a lot of families I work with and even use with my own daughter. I wish you the best of luck!
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