How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jennifer Your Own Question

Jennifer
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience:  Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Jennifer is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have 4 kids ages 14 girl, 8 boy and a set of boy twins 6

Resolved Question:

I have 4 kids ages 14 girl, 8 boy and a set of boy twins 6 who just started kindgergarten last September. We have been struggling with our twins getting used to kindergarten and following rules and directions. We have had a hard time with our youngest twin with screaming etc a hitting others when they aren't following the rules. Well to make a long story short he has made a 100% turn around and doing great. My older twin who is normally happy and go with the flow has seemed to regress and now been acting up and seems like he has a lot of anger and unhappiness at school, with such simple things as tag in gym class and when he's tagged out he throws a fit for the rest of the class and not listening to the teacher and also hitting other kids if they don't listen to him. I also have seen him really butting heads with other boys in his class and trying to "please" them by bringing them toys so he can play with them. So needless to say I need some tips or help on what direction to go. My husbands way is extreme and sometimes is verbal or evening a spanking threat and we do take away his games etc. And mine is talking too him but sometimes I feel our boy is not listening or hearing us. Any direction or help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jennifer replied 4 years ago.
Hello and thanks for using Justanswer.com!

First of all, I'd recommend getting in touch with the school counselor and/or school psychologist regarding the kind of support they might be able to offer. There may be a social skills group your son could participate in. The school psych may also want to do a Functional Behavioral Analysis to look at where these misbehaviors are coming from. People (including children) only do behaviors that work for him. The school psych would analyze what usually happens right before and after 1-2 problem behaviors to try to identify what he's getting out of it. Sometimes it's a matter of peer / teacher attention, sometimes it's simply needing a break. There are many possible motives for behavior. The idea is that we want to find an acceptable replacement behavior that meets the same need. This information is often used to guide a behavior plan -- clear guidelines that outline what happens when the positive behaviors are displayed (rewards of some kind) and what happens when he misbehaves. It's well organized and written for the child to understand -- the focus is typically on one specific behavior at a time. Parents often choose to participate in these plans by rewarding good days at home as well. Rewards don't have to be big -- a sticker, pencils, control of the remote for 1 hour, choosing a favorite food for dinner and playing a game with a loved one are just a few examples.

I'd also recommend you check out a book called "Love and Logic: The Early Years." It done a nice job explaining a parenting theory that relies heavily on logical consequences, clear / consistent discipline, and really helps to keep feelings from getting hurt and parents from feeling stressed. The website has a lot of examples of the type of strategies this philosophy utilizes (www.loveandlogic.com).

It's not unusual for kids to go through phases behaviorally. Kindergarten is a huge adjustment for 5 and 6-year olds. The structure and demands are very different from what they're used to and they're asked to absorb everything from daily routines to early academics while tuning out the excitement found in a room full of other children their age. Feel free to contact your child's teacher to request a meeting with him/her and the school counselor / school psych to see if you can work as a team to address these behaviors. I wish you the best of luck!
Jennifer, School Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 397
Experience: Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
Jennifer and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg NormanM's Avatar

    NormanM

    Author, lecturer and psychotherapist.

    Satisfied Customers:

    16
    ADHP(NC), DHP, ECP, UKCP Registered