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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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Hi I am fostering my nephew. i am a single perant. He has

Customer Question

Hi I am fostering my nephew. i am a single perant. He has lived with me since he was born and calls me mom and my daughters his sisters, he know his mom and goes to her every saturday. He is a very clever 9 year old, but is so stubborn and wont listen, my threat to him when he does not listen is to tell him i will drop him at his mom, and he does not realy like going there. But still pushes his boundaries in evewry aspect. He refuses to go to councilling to discuss his situation as well. He is very lovable but is so headstrong it is getting more difficult to discipline him. my girls of 22 and 24 try discipline him which i say they should not bnut they say i am to relaxed with him. I just believe that if he has them telling him what to do all the time, he wont listen tro me, so i land up stepping in as a last resort. i need help as i dont want a unhappy child and insecure child. Thanks. XXXXX
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 7 years ago.

Good Morning,

 

It sounds like he is testing his limits with you. With this age reward/consequence ought to work. Try to find out what he finds pleasurable (extra play time, TV watching, specific toys, food/treats) and when he is not listening take one of those away at a time. Let him know that he can earn it back as soon as you see that he's listening. In the same way, when you notices something positive that he had done, praise and reward that behavior with the things he likes. That way he can leer to see that he can either get a negative consequence or a positive one. Always remind him that it is his actions that lead to one or the other. Have your 22 and 24 follow with the same plan when they're watching him. All of you have to be on the same page and consistent with this. You may notice more resistance initially but with time his behavior can change.

 

http://www.ehow.com/how_4904668_parent-losing-cool.html

 

Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Thank you for above, but after bringing up a 22 and 24 year old,i have tried that it is very text book, this child is very different as in, he loves wrestling more than anything, so there is only one thing i can take away, when i do he will go out of his way to show he does not care. He has a major problem taking responsability for his actions, it is always someone elses fault. i find that difficult to deal with more than anything, but thanks for your help. By the way, i even took him for councilling and he would not talk he said he does not need to talk to people about his problems at 9 years old.

Gayle