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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1761
Experience:  Parenting Workshops, Teacher, PHD Clinical Psychology, 30 yrs. Exp. 4 Children
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My daughter is 14 yrs. old and a victim of parental alienation.

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My daughter is 14 yrs. old and a victim of parental alienation. She has refused to see me since Aug. of 09 and either her or her mother is always contacting me to cuss me out or blame me for her life. I want to get custody but what's the point if she hates me with such a passion. Her mom has convinced her I'm a child abuser, I don't love her and I am a coward. She has become physically violent towards me and I have 2 other children in my home I have to protect. Her mother is also violent and extremely quick tempered would a mediator help? Could the court order her and her mother to get counseling? I'm not sure what to do I haven't seen her in 4 mo. and she is getting more and more angry towards me. She recently tried to commit suicide and her mom then her blamed me for it saying it was because I was a bad dad. What does that even mean? Any help would be nice thanks
Hi and welcome,

I have dealt with parents who have the same issues with their teenage children when there is a divorce. My advise is this, take the high road, do not engage in any arguments or confrontations with your daughter. it may take a long time, maybe until she is much older for her to understand how wrong it was for her mother to convince her to hate you, she'll get it.
If you believe she is in danger living with her mother you should take legal action to get custody. You have to talk to her calmly and realize that she is being brainwashed into believing you are a bad dad. It's a very difficult situation to be in, and if she has become violent in the past you need to be careful how you approach her. Tell her you love her, you want a good relationship with her but you will not accept violence or the hateful words. Give her some power here. Tell her she needs to make decisions based on what she experiences when she is with you and when she is with her mother. I would ask her to go to counseling with you as a way to better understand each other. If she has tried to commit suicide she should be seeing a counselor anyway. If it continues to get worse you may have to hire a lawyer and use the courts, but be careful you will need proof that her mother is unfit to have her and then you will have a period of adjustment that could be pretty hard to endure.
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Edited by Dr. Keane on 1/8/2010 at 11:39 PM EST
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