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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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having some difficulty with my 18 year old. Hes in HS & lives

Customer Question

having some difficulty with my 18 year old. He's in HS & lives with us .He has ADD..very social & athletic young man..pretty disinterested in the academic part of school.the tone in the house is unpredictable..He is often unwilling or haphazardly does things around the house when asked..there is usually an arguement..he's content just watching tv, eating or playing on the computer..he does very little homework..leaves his stuff around the house..doesn't clean up after himself...he has an entitlement attitude..he becomes upset if things don't go his way.we just had an arguement with him he yelled at my husband & I regretfully told him that he could not stay here if he was disrespectful & didn't contribute..I'd had enough of this behavior..he left & is staying with a friend tonight..we are sure he'll be back..we need to set the rules up & have a consequence.we feel powerless..he's 18.we don't want to ask him to leave again but is this what we should do? don't know what else to do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.

First off it is your house and not his. There need to be rules and consequences if he is going to live under your roof. Remove the computer and television if you have too. Take the door off the hinges if need be. He is not being respectful and so he needs to learn to treat you and the house with respect. Do whatever it takes to send him the message that he is not to act disrespectfully. You can lay the ground rules and if he cannot abide then he has to leave. He wil test you but if you stand your ground then he should straighten up. Good luck.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
hi thanks for the uick response..it confirmed what we thought we should do..have one more ?..we would like to see Zach get a job..is it reasonable to insist on this..he is a full time student who plays 3 sports..practice or games everyday including weekends..? thanks again
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
Well what are the priorities here. School? Activities? or Work? He sounds overloaded as is so piling on a job may completely stress him out. What you can do is stop dishing out money or have him work around the house to earn some spending money. I say when he graduates and is out of the sports then he needs to get a job and contribute.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience: Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
Dr. G. and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanks so much!!
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
You are welcome. Can you please hit the accept button.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Hi Dr. G.I'm back. we had a heart to heart .set up some rules.things have been marginally better. Zach just received a college rejection letter.sadly think it may be the first of many. he is definetly struggling.what will I do after high school? this am we had an issue.He was talking disrespectfully XXXXX XXXXX younger brother.I asked him not to.he told me to shut up.I calmly dumped out the coffee I had made for him into the sink.he shoved me and said f%*k you..I told him he was never to touch me & speak to me this way. he has never done this.he has however broken things in the house when angry.I'm feeling quite upset & need to know what the next step should be. I feel powerless. He needs a consequence. Help!
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 4 years ago.
Well 2 things here. First, the rules of the house should still apply to this situation and the consequence needs to be implemented. Second, your son may need some counseling to learn how to manage his anger. It seems he is quick to anger and does not care much about any body's safety or feelings. I always tell my patients that violence is unacceptable in the home and that if it turns to that then law enforcement needs to intervene. Your job is to protect the people in the house. Let him know that if he ever gets violent or threatening again that the police will be called. But get him into some counseling to learn skills to manage his anger. This may be his sadness coming out in an unhealthy way to since he does not know how to express his emotions in a healthy way. Good luck and let me know if you need anything else.

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