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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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My 17 year old son is a pretty good kid but I have been lax

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My 17 year old son is a pretty good kid but I have been lax in making him accountable and now he is out of control with disrespect, breaks curfew and when told to stay home goes out any way...what do i do. what is the best way to reel him back in.

Good Evening,


You have found yourself in having to discipline a 17 yol who probably feels too old and balks discipline.

It is always best that the two parents are involved in disciplining him. If he resides with you, you most likely provide to him things such as extras- cell phone, car, video games, spending money etc. These things are not necessities - they are privileged extras. If he is not abiding by your rules and still resides with you, you may think of withholding some of those privileges temporarily until the behavior improves.

You could let him know that you find him perfectly able to follow rules and that you understand that he is a teenager seeking autonomy but that you find his behavior disrespectful and unacceptable.


Let him know that if these behaviors continue on his part, there would be certain things that he would have to do such as not only follow with age appropriate behaviors but perhaps get a PT job on weekends and contribute in for groceries etc. If he has a car then he ought to pay for his gasoline etc. Try to have him be involved in things at the home whether it is washing the cars, raking, snow shuffling etc. Note to him that he is a young man and needs to show responsible behaviors.


By this age, he should have learned some basic responsibilities and you can point out to him that at age 18 the law would seek him and treat him as an adult and not obeying authorities may be problematic.


If you have a totally defiant youth at your hands, you can advise him that you could still contact the department of juvenile justice for unruly teen. Once again, if two parents live in the home have your partner also stick with disciplining him and always be on the same page in regard to consequences and how privileges may be earned back.

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