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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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We have a 20 year-old daughter who is a college sophmore. We

Resolved Question:

We have a 20 year-old daughter who is a college sophmore. We pay her tuition and all of her expenses, including her own apartment. She also has her own car. About a year ago she began dating a kid, that at first seemed like a good thing. We soon realized after about 5 months, that he wasn't such a good thing after all. She is well aware of his shortcomings - but it doesn't seem to matter to her. He is a terrible influence, and this has caused stife within our family. She almost seems obsessed with him, to the point that they text back and forth 100's of time a day. We cannot imagine that she is able to study with any meaningful focus while texting all night long. She also sends and receives texts during classes. We thought maybe we should wait to see her mid-term grades before making and issue of this, but the fact is we still believe this amout of texting is unhealthy and unecessary. Are we off base here?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 4 years ago.

Good Evening,

 

If you are paying the bills, you are not off base. The issue is though that she is considered an adult. So, there you run into a catch 22.

You are right wanting to see the grades because you cover the tuition and the expenses, etc.

If possible, you may want to set some kind of expectations of her. If this then that.

It is definitely inappropriate to text in class and that many times per day. Unfortunately you won't have a lot of control over that.

You can try to use your influence with her in regard to the things she relies on you to provide for. It is not unrealistic to have a 20 year old earn some money of their own. If they are busy working and having to study, there may not be a lot of time left for the boyfriend. If she does not learn responsibilities at this time in her age, she will not follow your expectations about her choices of a partner either.

Dr. Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Parenting Book Author, 13+ years of experience.
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