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Cher
Cher, Teacher
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2
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Ever since our daughter was born, our 3 yr old son has woken

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Ever since our daughter was born, our 3 yr old son has woken me up in the middle of the night to go to restroom with him and put him back in bed. If my husband gets up to help him (usually because I am feeding the baby), he runs back to bed and cries. Is it better to let him cry it out and then wet the bed because he refuses to go with Dad or for me to calm him down after I'm done feeding the baby and have him use the restroom?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  danny541 replied 4 years ago.
Hello and welcome to Just Answer!

Your son is going through anxiety feeling's as I'm sure you know, because of the new baby.If possible and you can talk to him and get him to calm down and use the bathroom after you finish feeding the baby,then by all means do that!

He's wanting his mommy to be just his instead of sharing, if there is any way dad can feed baby and you go to your son, to try to share, or if the baby doesn't wake up a little later or before you know he will be wanting to go, that should help ease the situation for you!

Its tough when you have a new baby, but what joy, I know also you are having as a mother!

When you take your son to the bathroom, remind him also that daddy loves him very much, and likes to help too, you might even try both of you taking him sometimes to see if he will transfer the feeling's to give you a little more time, so you aren't so rushed and wore out!

Please remember to click the green accept button, so the site pays me for my help!

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danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
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Expert:  Cher replied 4 years ago.
Hi, and congratulations on your new addition!

There seems to have been a glitch and I see you have already received an answer from Danny and have accepted it. Please do not feel obligated to accept my answer as well, but perhaps the information can still be helpful.
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It's better to not have him wet the bed, if he's toilet trained already. You don't want to 'regress' with this important accomplishment. It would be a good idea for you and your husband to talk to your son about this situation, during the day, casually, while you're playing etc., and let him know that daddy wants to help, too, and in fact, mommy ASKED daddy to help take him to the bathroom if he needs to do that, in the middle of the night. Don't mention anything about being 'busy with the baby', because you don't want him to be jealous of that. In fact, if your son has developed this habit only since your daughter was born, it might a sign of 'control' over your time/attention with him, because it's very normal for a toddler to feel jealous once a sibling is born and occupies more of mom's attention.

While taking a stand and letting him know that YOU, as the parents, control what happens in the household, you don't want him to begin a bad habit of wetting the bed. If you are consistent with allowing your husband to bring him to the restroom every night,or every time he asks, and you still do it occasionally, once he accepts this 'new' way of doing things, and begins allowing his father to help, this would work out best for all concerned.

If you ARE feeding the baby at the time, have your husband bring your son into the room where you are, AFTER he uses the bathroom, so you can kiss him goodnight again, tell him what a big boy he is for using the bathroom when daddy brought him, and for being such a good HELPER to mommy, going to the bathroom with daddy.

Continue to praise him for this, during the day also (just mention it once), and give him little jobs to do, to be a 'big brother' and 'helper' to mommy, with the baby. Also, make sure he's using the restroom before his bedtime.

You also might want to make a 'reward' chart, and put a gold star next to every night he goes to the bathroom with daddy, then after 5 stars, he gets to pick a favorite activity to do, or healthy treat to eat.

I hope things improve for you, soon.

Cher
Cher, Teacher
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 18587
Experience: Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2
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