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danny541, Parenting Answer Team
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My good friends 17year old daughter was arrested for retail

Resolved Question:

My good friend's 17year old daughter was arrested for retail theft. My friend, her mother, does not know about this --yet.
The girl was taken to the police dept and given a ticket. The girl was telling her volleyball teammates about this! Should I tell my friend?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  danny541 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and welcome to Just Answer!

Yes, you should definitely tell your friend.I know if it were me, I would want a good friend to come to me with the information so I wouldn't be blind sided by it, later on!

Be sure to handle it delicately, tell her there is something you feel she needs to know,and you are sorry to have to be the one to tell her,and just tell her.

Also let her know it will go no farther than between the two of you!

If you would like to discuss this further, please let me know!

If not, please click the green accept button, so I am paid for my help!

Positive feedback is greatly appreciated!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hello danny541,

The response below is from my 24 yr. old daughter who lives in another state and is aware of the family dynamic.

 

It's not your place to tell her parents. They will probably find out anyway at some point. And if they've raised Kailyn thus far and she is now a thief, there's probably not much they can do anyway.

 

My daughter is right--they will find out eventually. I would also want to know if it were my child because the girl, Kailyn, is blabbing this to other kids and NOW their parents probalby know!! It is just so sad. I am a former juvenile probation officer and am not knew to these situations--it is just different when it affects you personally. This girl was raised in a home where this type of behavior is not acceptable. She has a job while going to school--money is tight in her family right now but she does not lack for the basics at all!! When I was in college, moons ago, some of the girls I knew from very affulent families were "teaching" the Iranian girl we all "adopted" on the ways of the Americans--shoplifting was one of her lessons!!! I was not there, thankfully, but shocked when I heard about there adventure. Unreal. This was not part of my social crowd activity --shocked. Stealing just was bad. I did a LOT of stupid things in my younger years--but this is just beyond my comprehension. It is so wrong to me. And anyone who does this I would NEVER trust. So with that in mind--maybe I should just stay out of this??? My friend knows that I was a former probation officer--her father in-law was a police officer. The parents will be so angry and disappointed and sad and etc. It is just horrible and I don't r want to be the one to give them the news. Then I do feel like if I were in my frind's position --as bad as it is--I would want to know soon!

Expert:  danny541 replied 5 years ago.
I agree, if I knew that my friend knew and din't tell me, I would be upset, with you for not preparing me.

Its not going to end happily, in my day we knew it happened, in fact one of my daughters did it, and I marched her all the way back to the store, made her tell them she was sorry, and what could she do for them to make it up to them.

That may not work in this situation. If you are very close friends then I would tell her, in the end it will come out, but how will she feel if she found out that you knew and said nothing.

If you feel your friendship would be in trouble if you say something, then keep it to yourself.

But if you are truely close friends then i would tell her!

Your daughter is right, its no one's business except the families involved you just need to decide how you would feel if the situation was changed!
danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 909
Experience: Have 5 children !
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