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danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
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my new mate has a 5 year old boy that she has been sleeping

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my new mate has a 5 year old boy that she has been sleeping with since he was born he wakes up every night in the middle of the night and he won't go back to sleep and cries unleess she goes to him , how do we change this?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  danny541 replied 5 years ago.
Has he always done this? Or has it just started since you moved in?

Does he have a relationship with his father?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

yes he has always done this and no relationship with his father

I plan on being that figure

Expert:  danny541 replied 5 years ago.
If he has always done this, then I believe that its because he is afraid of losing his mom, and since she has allowed it to continue all these years without addressing it for all this time you are going to have a long road to resolve it, but it is able to be fixed.

It will take a lot of patience and love and firmness on both your parts.

First make sure bedtime is a quiet and secure time for him. Read to him or do something that makes him comfortable. Then both of you together set down some ground rules for him.

No leaving the bed at night unless something is really wrong. Or he has to go to the bathroom. He must stay in his own bed at night.If he has a stuffed animal he is comfortable with, give it to him, or a blanket.

Show him a lot of love,and let him know you are both there for him, but he is a big boy now.And big boys don't sleep with their mother's.

If you keep reinforcing this every night, soon he will learn that even though he isn't in bed with her, he is still safe and she will not leave him.

And that he is gaining a new person to love as well!

If you have more questions on this, please ask!

Please remember also to click the green accept button so I receive payment for my answer!

Positive feedback is much appreciated !
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

should we let him cry in the middle of the night??

because that is what he does if she does not go to him and he NEVER sleeps though the night

Expert:  danny541 replied 5 years ago.
If it is crying for more than 30 minutes both of you should go in and see if anything is wrong, if nothing is, then explain to him again that he is a big boy and he needs to go to sleep, if the crying continues, then try to ignore it, and go to sleep.

It is going to take a while until it gets through to him that he is loved and safe, but its time to stay in his own bed at night. Br firm and do not give in to him no matter how much he cries or whines to sleep with you both.

He will eventually sleep. If you still feel he is not getting enough sleep, consult his doctor for ideas of what to do.It might even require counseling for him in the long run if it continues. But once he realizes that he is safe and secure he will get into sleeping by himself, it will just take time and patience!

If you have more questions on this, please ask!

Please remember also to click the green accept button so I receive payment for my answer!

Positive feedback is much appreciated !
danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 909
Experience: Have 5 children !
danny541 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  danny541 replied 5 years ago.
Was there anything else you needed answered?

If not please remember to click the green accept button,until you do, I don't get paid !
Expert:  danny541 replied 5 years ago.
I would appreciate hearing back from you! Good luck! Just remember patience is the key, and a lot of love!

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