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danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Have 5 children !
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Hi I have just read your advice on the father getting a semi(80%)erect

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Hi I have just read lots of advice on whether its normal for a father to get an erection after playing with his child? I need to know if it is normal for the father getting a semi(80%)erection after playing with our 11y/o daughter. They were playing around (they always are) - she was pulling his hair on his legs and he was smacking her on the butt. They often play by giving each other 'wedgies'. I have noticed on several occasions that he has had a "semi" but I never said anything as I thought I was being paranoid. The last time he had a shower about 5 mins after playing with her as he was going off to nightshift and I confronted him whilst he was in the shower and he denied that it was a 'hard on' and I said bullshit. I then tried to calmly discuss it with him the next evening but he got angry and told me it was over(10 year marriage) and we are now sleeping in separate beds. I actually asked him why, not a dumb question, as I needed to know if he was sexually charged by playing with her, I even offered to get him help (as we all have to be so socially correct nowadays and not hang the buggers!), as I truly didn't know what to do. My kids come first, hence the confrontation - but the horrible thing is I am the one that is feeling guilty( I don't know why, as I am not a crazy hallucinating woman - I KNOW WHAT I SAW! And it makes me sick) we are now separating - his call as when I confronted him I asked if there was a reason for it and he denied it (the semi) being there. He wont even talk to us( daughters 13 and 11 and 8yo son), and he is treating me as if I have done something terrible. I do not believe that he has touched her inappropriately, but I cannot look at him the same as I cannot see why a man could get excited playing with his daughter. Please help me understand - is he a pedophile? Or is there another reason for it - that could mean that he doesn't want to touch her sexually but just cant help it (semis) as my gut reaction is to think of him as a sicko but I also want to try and remain clear headed and concise? As I there seems to be alot of useless bs online - but until I know more I am still going ahead to move out!

Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  danny541 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and welcome to Just Answer!

I just need to clarify a two questions.

You say he will not talk to his children even on the phone?

Has he tried to speak to them, or take them anywhere?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He will speek to them in 'have to' situation, but more when Im around he will not really talk to any of us unless asked a direct question. In the past, when we have nearly broken up for different reasons, he does this - almost goes into a deep depression. I dont know if this helps, but his biological father whom he has never met (he was put in joal when his mother was pregnant with him) sexually abused and conceived a baby with my husbands 13 y/o sister - even tho I have not seen this behavaiour prior to a few months ago - is this sort of thing hereditory?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He took my
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He took my daughter to
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He took my daughter to the shops
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He took my daughter to the shops yesterday and
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He took my daughter to the shops yesterday and my son to
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He took my daughter to the shops yesterday and my son to scouts last night - I have not stopped all contact yet - we have moved into seperate room now until I get new housing.
Expert:  danny541 replied 5 years ago.
I would say that your husband is having doubts about himself. He isn't wanting to admit it to you or even to himself because he himself is worried that he may have inherited his father's trait's of child molestation


Although its not an inherited behavior, enough is not known at this time in my opinion to know if such a thing is going to be a part of a persons make up in life.

If your husband knew what was going on with his sister and dad at a young age, he has lived with it all these years and isn't sure himself whether he is that way.

If as you say he is getting a semi he is as confused about it as you are, he doesn't understand and is ashamed of it and isn't sure what to do, which is why he moved out rather than be afraid of acting on these feelings.

What I'm going to suggest is your husband needs to go to therapy so he can understand what he is dealing with. Until he does he will continue being confused why he is feeling this way.

Do you want the marriage to continue you? That's also a part of the equation, are there other problems as well.If you wish to continue, then he needs to set up with a counselor that deals with molestation.

I would also continue to either between separate each other or if its not feasible because of the money and you want the marriage to continue, then I would set things up so he has a separate bedroom or isn't around the kids until this is settled.

Because you do want to put the kids first always!

If you wish to discuss this further, or have further questions on this please ask!

If not please click the green accept button, so I receive payment for my advice.

Positive feedback is also greatly appreciated!</p>
danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 909
Experience: Have 5 children !
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