replied 8 years ago.
Hi again Kim, and thanks for your reply.
I agree with you completely, that I think from the angle your dad saw Scott gave her a 'pinch/tickle' to her side, it looked like he 'grabbed', 'lower'.
I don't think your dad would make something like this up, either, but of course, he's concerned for his grandaughter's (and your and Elliot's) safety.
I'm glad you'll be bringing this up to Scott, tonight, and it might be a good idea to ask him not to touch Ali at all, in the future, even fooling around, with a tickle, etc., just so there's no room for misinterpretation, again.
I know he has a daughter Ali's age, he's a father of 3, you know him for two years, and trust him, and your kids trust him/feel safe around him, but having been in a similiar situation, and having been the widowed the mother of a teenaged daughter, there's no such thing as 'too safe'. It's just a built-in instinct. We see programs on TV, etc., about the most 'normal' looking/acting guy who is a father himself, has lots of friends, etc., and turns out to be a predator. I'm in no way implying this is Scott, just making the point that you can never be too careful, and even though we want to trust a man we date, who we feel we know really well, and is around our kids all the time, there's that little nagging 1% of doubt in the back of our minds that won't be quiet when it comes to our kids' safety.
I do think your dad saw this 'motion' from Scott as he passed Ali, and thought he grabbed her tush, but his perception was off, at the angle where he was sitting. There's no reason for Ali to not tell you the truth, and I LOVE the open and honest relationship you have with her.
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your first husband/Ali's dad, at such a young age. I was in the same situation, and my daughter (oldest child of two, also, and younger child, a son) was also seven at the time of the loss; my son was almost 4. It's difficult for children to grow up without a father, but thank goodness you married again, and Ali had a second dad throughout her formative years, plus you had the support of your family, luckily, as I did, too, and your dad is always there for you and the children. That's very important.
I hope this was just an optical illusion/"trompe l'oeil" if you will, on your dad's part, and since Scott DID touch Ali, just as a gesture of friendliness, affection, fooling around, at that same time, that's what he must have seen.
You don't want to blow this out of proportion and have Ali no longer feel safe around Scott, so don't bring it up again, and when you discuss it with XXXXX, XXXXX't sound accusatory at all, just ask what he did/where he touched her, because your dad seemed to think he patted her (grabbed her?) tush. I hope this discussion doesn't cause any trust or other issues between you and Scott, but it sounds like you will know how to phrase this perfectly!
Please let me know how it goes, after you speak to him, tonight.
You sound like you have a wonderful family and have compensated well, over the years, re: the loss of Ali's dad. Unfortunately, there are not as many parents nowadays, who can proudly say they have an open and honest relationship with their teenaged daughter, so you are to be applauded and complimented for the great job you have done, and are still doing!
Cher and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you