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danny541, Parenting Answer Team
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My 16 year old daughter is going to prom with the same boy

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My 16 year old daughter is going to prom with the same boy she went to homecoming with. He is a very sweet and smart young man. He comes from a good family with strong moral values. He is on the golf team at school and he is in the top 10 of the junior class for academics.    My daughter is also very smart and is in the top 10 of the junior class. She is very pretty. (I know you're thinking yea right! I hate when parents say this too)However, she has striking features with dark hair, olive skin with deep brown eyes. My husband and I are both Caucasian but people ask her all the time if she is Native American. Anyway, she loves fashion and dresses like she's going to a nice restaurant every day. The problem is this: She has never gone out on a date except with this boy to homecoming. She has never held a boys hand or been kissed even on the cheek. I am glad about this because she is young and she has plenty of time later on to develop a relationship. Also, she has had crushes on boys at school. My daughter was really nice to this boy so that he would ask her to homecoming. I heard through some friends that were chaperoning the dance that she ignored her date and just socialized with her girlfriends. After homecoming she totally ignored him at school. Well, she is doing this again with prom. She was very nice to him and he asked her to prom. Now, she is ignoring him at school and gets freaked out if he waits for her in the hall. If he texts or calls she tells him she is busy doing homework and can't talk. I feel so bad for this kid. I have had hundreds of conversations with my daughter about how to treat people. She just doesn't get it. She has boys at school that are friends, but if any boy acts like he likes her more than just a friend, it freaks her out. What should I do? I don't want her to use people. I want her to treat people nice and for her to realize that just because a boy likes you, it doesn't mean that she has to stop being their friend.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  danny541 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and welcome to Just Answer!

Does she seem to be afraid of commitment?

Has she seen many relationships that have gone bad?

What about her closest friend? Does she date or been hurt by boys?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I don't think she is afraid of commitment. I think she is just afraid in general. Her dad and I have been married for 18 years and have a very good marriage. We have no divorces on either side of our families. Her best friend has her first boyfriend and they have been dating for about 3 months. None of her other close friends have boyfriends at the moment, but have had boyfriends in the past. I don't know of any of them that have been really hurt by a boy. She told me today that she has a secret crush on a boy in one of her classes. The other boy that she is going to prom with is who I'm concerned about.
Expert:  danny541 replied 5 years ago.
I can understand what is going on, she should not lead this boy on in order just to go to the prom. Its not fair to the young man who most likely has feelings for her and she isn't returning those feelings, which is leaving him with mixed feelings not sure what to think.

There is very little you can do except to talk to her, explain to her that she is leading the boy on and will hurt his feelings if it continues, of course now if she backs out and doesn't go with him, he is still probably going to be hurt. She could just let him know that although hes a sweet boy, she doesn't want a romantic relationship at this time.

She is also probably under peer pressure to go to the prom because she wants to go to the important dances, and is going just to be there. But I agree with you, its not being fair to the boy.

You could try telling her she can't go since its not fair to him but she will probably just resent you for it.

I guess the botXXXXX XXXXXne would be, either let her learn the hard way or tell her to break the date. But either way she should be honest with him. High school is hard enough without all the little things that teens go through.

Let me know if I can be of further advice. If not, please click the green accept button, so I get paid for my advice.

And positive feedback is always a plus, as is a bonus!
danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 909
Experience: Have 5 children !
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