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Walter
Walter, Consultant
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Mentoring Parents on Understanding and Accepting the Challenges of Parenthood.
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my ten years old daughter is browsing sex sights......very

Customer Question

my ten years old daughter is browsing sex sights......very shocked just found out please advise
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

Was this a one time thing or ongoing?

 

Who's computer was she on?

 

Have you talked to her yet or punished her?

 

Are you mom or dad? (Are both of you dealing with this or just one of you)

 

Walter

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I am no sure but i think it maybe a new thing

using a family computer

I have spoken to her and told her not to use computer, but only for homework

I am mom. It is just myself dealing with this

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

have you sent me an email so I may go ahead and read it?

 

Expert:  Walter replied 5 years ago.

Hello,

 

Its better that you are dealing with this then dad, since she is a girl she may become to embarrassed to discuss why she did this with a male figure regardless....so this is a plus on your end.

 

First off I doubt this is anything more then curiosity. While sex is a bigger issue in a 12 year old and up a ten year old really has no desires one way or the other. Though even at ten she hears things from class mates and even older kids at school who may have less supervision while on line. More often then not this stems from friends who talk about it. I dare say when you speak with her she will likely tell you that so and so told her about it and she just wanted to see what it was. When we were younger there was nothing like the Internet so we were fenced in about what we knew......which was basically what we learned from older siblings or friends. In todays world it is far to easy for a youngster to actually see first hand and so they do so.

 

I would first advise you to talk to her about why she looked......do not be angry and if it takes a day or so for you to calm down then wait. The last thing you want to do is scare her to death. When you are ready to be calm as her why......and accept her reasons. Let her know that you to was once curious, in fact a old example may put this in perspective a little easier for her. You do not want her to think she is bad.......just that the things she saw may not be really what sex is about. Far to often children may see some very bad examples (Bestiality, homosexuality, dominance etc) You need to explain to her that this is not how people love each other.

 

The key is talking to her about it.........simply grounding her is not teaching her anything. Add to the fact that children start experimenting far earlier then in the past and you could have a recipe for disaster. Most doctors recommend that you have the big talk at around 10 years of age. This should not be the whole shebang, give her the basics and the important information such as how dangerous this can be with pregnancy and STD's.

 

Let her know that someday when she is older these are things she may experience but right now she is still a child and this is not appropriate for her. Also make sure you stress to her that she should not spread these things to her friends or other children. Parents become very upset and tend to overreact sometimes..........the last thing you want is her suspended over it.

 

The next step is to get a good parental control system on the computer. But please do not trust these systems because the reality is they often fail. Set some ground rules with the computer and post them near the computer. She should not be allowed on any chat sites, anything adult rated or sites such as My space or face book. Set the programs to where you can check the history every day. Any violation should be a loss of all computer privileges for a few weeks. I would also set a new rule that no one can use the computer when you are not home. Consider putting the computer in a area where you have more supervision such as the living area or den.

 

Try not to become to upset and look at this as a chance to teach your daughter instead of her doing something wrong. At the end of the day she was simply curious and looking for answers. You can use this as a chance to teach her that when she needs answers she can come to you. If you overreact over this she may never come to you in the future and that is the last thing you want.

 

Walter

 

 

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