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Ask Cher Your Own Question

Cher
Cher, Teacher
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 87
Experience:  Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2
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I want to have no contact with my two adult stepdaughters and

Customer Question

I want to have no contact with my two adult stepdaughters and four year old grandchild. My SD is an undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. I have tried for twenty three years to work this out. but my doctor AND attorney suggest that there is to be NO contact unless the father (my husband) is present. Otherwise I have been slandered, accused, confused, hurt, and it is greatly affecting my well being and finances. It is never enough.
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.
Hello Momo

What is your question?

Chase
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I know that any statement I make , for instance "I need to take a break from this constant drama, as it seems that whatever I do, it is NEVER enough:You continually slander me and make false accusations. I am tapped emotionally, financially---I need to set boundaries. If you want to see me, I will see you when your father is in town---but not alone. It feels too unsafe for me."

Any combination of truth, as above, just opens me wide open to criticism. I don't mind---I have put up with this stuff for 23 yrs. but I am done. DONE. I am asking for simple words to make my point: I want no contact with two step daughters or grandchild UNLESS the father (my husband) is home and can witness my behaviour so that I am not accused of something that is untrue.

I need simple statements like: MY doctor has advised me to see you all only in the presence of your father.

I know that isn't completley true---but I would use it. I just don't want to have all the following questions: What do you expect us to tell the grandbaby when she grows up? Are you telling us that we are forbidden to call you?

I must break this cycle of being held hostage by their drama and lies.

I need support that I owe this to myself. I have been slandered, financially drained, and I am ready.

thank you
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
I quess my real question is> HOW can I tell my step daughters that I will no longer have contact alone with them. It feels too unsafe and need to draw a big line in the sand.

What WORDS do I use -----I know I will emotionally hijacked.

I only want some peace.