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danny541, Parenting Answer Team
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Experience:  Have 5 children !
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Hi, no to the best of my knowledge our daughter has never tried

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Hi, no to the best of my knowledge our daughter has never tried any type of drug. We have always been a very close loving family and very open in that we have always let our kids drink alcohol at home our theory being that way they learn their limits and don't go mad at parties and end up getting caught out. same goes for smoking for obvious health reasons we have always said we don't recomend it but if they wanted to try it then fine but not behind our backs or in the house. She was smoking all summer out of bedroom window but we thought end of school and exam pressure and didn't confront her thought probably just stage etc. she was A grade A level student and took Eng Lit, Biology and Chemistry so we trusted her to be aware of what she was doing. Sorry this reply is late i havent been back on line for a while. Just had update that our daughter was spotted a week ago in a local bar with this man and several of his friends. The barmaid was concerned as in her words our daughter appeared to be 'absoloutely steaming, off her face' so she refused to serve this man another drink for her and he agreed and said, 'umm yeah she's had enough i suppose, ok jus giv us some water' I told barmaid our daughter used to be smily full of confidence and it she walked down a street there wasn't a man who didn't turn round to look but now she appears to be puffy in face and holds her head down and is round shouldered and shuffles about and keeps putting her head down on one shoulder. The barmaid said when she saw her she didn't look right. pls talk some more. x

I'm afraid it sounds like your daughter has been drawn into a life of over drinking and more than likely drugs.

This boyfriend of hers is dragging her down to his level, and it will only get worse unless you can somehow get her away from him. And I will tell you now it might be impossible until she hits the bottom or he goes on to some other girl to ruin.

I do have experience in this area, with my own daughter. But we were fortunate, we had a family intervention and she was willing to come and listen to her family along with a few friends and a Pastor she had always been friends with.

That's what I would suggest first with your daughter, if you are a close family at one time, she believes that she is totally in love with this man and there is no other life but with him. I would suggest a counselor that is familiar with these types of cases.

I don't know how he will set it up, but we invited our daughter to stop by to talk and then were able to get her to stay long enough to listen.She didn't stop immediately, but what was said eventually got through to her and we were able to get her help.

I wish I could say this is an easy thing to do,but its not. It will be a long road, but if you don't show her a angry side of you, just talk to her, show her that you have only her best interests at heart. Be there for her, and try above all not to judge her. Don't talk about her boyfriend in a bad way, if she asks for your opinion give it, but don't be nasty about it. Just love her, and when she is ready, she will come back to you.

I'm here for anything you want to discuss, now or later.
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