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My 10 year old granddaughter lost her mom6 yrs ago due to a

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My 10 year old granddaughter lost her mom6 yrs ago due to a medical mistake. She went to live with her father. Since then she has not been able to focus well or concentrate. She has a hard time staying on task. Her Dad remarried and her new "Mom" is very strict. Lexi is punished constantly for not getting ready on time in the morning. The punishment is - writing sentences - it started at 10 to 15 - I think it is not up to 125. Also on any day that she has to write sentences she is not allowed to play with any of her games, I Pod, DS or other toys and she may not talk to anyone on the phone or join in any activities such birthday parties, sports events visits or sleepovers, etc. Recently, she has been punished for two weeks. She has had trouble with facial tics, nail biting and recently she has begun pulling out her hair. My question is this, is this type of punishment healthy. As a grandmother I am not sure if I should interfere.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  danny541 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and welcome to Just Answer!

It seems to me, your grandaughter was never allowed to properly grieve for her mother!

And these punishments are becoming to much at a time, when she is hurting and being expected to cooperate with a full time dad and a step-mother that in all honesty, she just never had time to get comfortable, and she needs counseling to deal with her grief.

They need to find out why she is not getting ready on time in the morning's by talking to her and not loading up on the punishment. She begins to see it as a never ending wall that doesn't get better, only worse and after awhile she will shut down and it will get worse.

This type of punishment is not healthy, its too much at once. If it continues it will only get worse, and at her age, it can not be allowed.

If you have a good, or fair relationship with dad, you need to speak to him, and suggest that counseling is needed to find out why she isn't getting ready in the mornings, as she get's older resented will grow in her and she will rebell in way's you can not imagine.

She may feel that she's not wanted and that's why all the punishment's.

She's only 10 year's old, she need's love and understanding, not constant punishment! Ans as her grandmother, she need's you to speak for her, if she can not. And I would advise you to talk to her, ask her why she isn't happy and isn't staying on time.

If you have additional questions, or thoughts on this, I'm here to discuss it.
danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
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