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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, #1 Just Answer Parenting Expert
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Just Answer Parenting Mentor, Emotional, Behavioral & Physical Issues. Babies to Teens.
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How can we help our 18 year old daughter get over a break up.

Customer Question

How can we help our 18 year old daughter get over a break up. She dated the guy for 2 years and has been on and off for the last year. Both are away at college but even that won't stop our daughter from pursuing this guy. We feel he uses her and she is not seeing it?
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Are they broken up?

How is she acting now?

Who broke up with who?

In what ways does he use her?

Customer: replied 8 years ago.

moody, distant, always texting or on computer

Not sure, back and forth

Tells her he'd take her to the movies and not show up, tell her she shouldn't go out with her friends to parties and she doesn't, talks to her on line but so no one else can see, tells her she looks bad and she should change clothes and yet when he calls she jumps. She is a college soccer player and met a nice guy at college and everything was great until the old boyfriend called her and she dropped the guy from college. She is not seeing this guy for what he is.
Customer: replied 8 years ago.
i have not gotten a reply. It's been over an hour?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

I apologize I had to step away for a moment. At this point I don't know if she's living at home or at school, but the best thing you can do for her is to be supportive of her decisions. For whatever reason she is chasing this guy, and everytime you try to tell her how bad he is, it's only going to make her want to see him more. So the best thing to do is to back away from the situation, but let her know that if she wants to talk, or just be with you, that you are there for her no matter what day or time. There is a Native American saying that says the the parents shoot the bow, and the child is the arrow....if you have given your child what you believe they need to live a good life, then when you shoot that bow, regardless of weather conditions, rain, sleet snow, or whatever comes at them in life....that arrow will never fall far from it's mark. You're children may take the long road to get there, but their trail most always follows what they've been taught.

It's a hard time for her, being 18, going to college, having a troubled relationship. Do keep a close eye on her, and do not destroy any communication you may have with her. If you feel that she's become really depressed or she starts to do badly in school, you may want to look into getting her into counseling. In the meantime, keep telling her how great she is and how much faith you have in her that she'll make the right decisions for herself anf her life. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more.



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