When she decides that she doesn't want to spend time with you, do you or your ex give in to that decision?
How often were the the supervised visitations?
What are some of the things she is angry about?
The fact is, the court orders have to be followed or she can be found in contempt, which could help you if you went for custody. If you need to speak to one of our legal experts, let me know. As for her anger, you can't make her talk to you, but if she has ears, she can hear, so you keep talking. Don't try and make a big deal out of talking to her, just talk as if you're having a regular conversation. A conversation could go something like "I know you're mad at me, or at least you seem to be. I can understand, I would probably be mad at me too. I never chose to get sick, and I wish things could have been different, everyone wants the perfect family, like the kind you see on tv, but we don't always get that, sometimes what we get is more challenging, and we have to find a way to make it work. I want to be there for you in any way I can even though we don't have that perfect family, we can make what we have as close to perfect as possible." You can also write thoughts like this down and give her letters. Even if she appears to be ignoring you, as long as her ears are not blocked, she is hearing you, and you may have to repeat some of the same things over and over. What will make a difference to her is if you keep your word. Don't ever tell her that you will do something and not do it, trust is very important in a situation like this, as I'm sure you know. Abandonment issues can only be improved over time. Times of seeing you keep your word time and time again, and by you doing consistent things with her. Although you may want to, you cannot baby her, or give her what she wants all the time, because that will be counterproductive in the end. She needs to know that you are still her mother and still the adult. I know it seems hard right now, but this is a case where time will help heal. I don't know if you have the option to use the time you have with her to go to family counseling, it would be helpful, as a counselor might be able to get her to open up more. In lieu of that, all you can do is continue to talk, get to know her as a person, what her interests, hopes, dreams, thoughts, etc are, and just be there for her. I welcome your thoughts, let me know if you want to talk more