How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Viki Your Own Question

Viki
Viki, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 860
Experience:  Mother of 6 kids ages 5-22 yrs; other-health impaired, normal and gifted kids
Type Your Parenting Question Here...
Viki is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

6 year old heavy questions.

Resolved Question:

my godson is 6 years old. i spend a lot of time with him after school waiting for his mom to get home from work. Recently he started asking questions about his father. his father and mother divorced about 2 years ago. his father is an alcoholic and also living in a homeless shelter. his father is working to get back on his feet and is in several programs (he also gambles). We always tell my godson that his father is working hard to be strong so he can be a part of their lives. he witnessed his father drunk during a time when his father had visitation. he had been drinking and driving with the boys in the car. It caused a big uproar with everyone. it made my godsons mother angry and his fathers mother angry. my godson remembers that everyone was angry at his father but he doesnt understand why. he blames us for why his father is not around. no matter how we explain, he doesnt seem to accept/understand the truth. What do we do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Viki replied 6 years ago.

Hi-

You must be a wonderful person to take the time and effort to care for this child. You deserve a lot of credit. I'm sure you explained things well and with great tact and understanding. However, the fact is, that your godson needs to hear these things from an outside authority- one that is not involved personally in the situation, but maybe professionally.

He needs to hear that there is no blame attached to anyone for this turn of events. His father has an illness that causes him to do unsafe things, sometimes- no blame there- he's doing the right thing by seeking help. His mother and grandmother were rightfully concerned about his safety- no blame there, that's their job. And of course no blame should be attached to you for getting involved- it's not fair to shoot the messinger.

If anyone in the family (including the child) is getting counseling, they should ask this professional to talk to the child. Perhaps one of the program directors for the father. If this is not possible, then speak to the guidance department at the school. They should be brought into the picture, anyway, so that they can be aware of any potential problems that might impact on school. Of course, the child himself could benefit from counseling, but right now it is important to have someone who is not intimately connected with your godson, to give him this information.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
We are working on finding a therapist for him. The school is of no help. They have their hands full dealing with "real problem" children and they are overwhelmed. My godson is doing great in school - never has any academic or social trouble. He doesnt exhibit particular problems but sometimes he does ask questions or make comments to us that show he doesn't clearly understand. He doesn't act out or have anger. He often says enlightened things about his father. Its just, of course, he is 6, and he doesn't understand things that ... for some adults don't make sense. Why drink when its going to cause you to do unsafe things. Fair enough question. Hard answer. Why didnt my father just get help before he got really sick. Fair enough question. Hard answer. Nothing is every simple. Finding a therapist that isnt overly expensive is the main problem. As a single parent his mother is struggling - the father doesnt pay child support due to his situation - and she technically makes too much to qualify for any aid. Myself and my friends do our best to financially support her and her family but we have our own families too. We're still looking for someone though. That is an on going search. I guess I wanted to know if there was anything we could do in the meantime.
Expert:  Viki replied 6 years ago.

Hi-

The "questions and comments" he makes (particularly the ones where he seems to struggle to find someone to blame) are typical of a young child who is really secretly afraid that he himself is to blame. Children do not think or reason logically like adults. This is a jump that most would make. And its not that far-fetched in his mind, because he was there, with his father in the car. Like many children of alcoholics, whether he is aware of it or not, he feels that he must assume the "responsible person" mantle, because his father cannot.

He sounds like a really terrific kid. It's great that he seems to be coping, but if he cannot be reassured soon, he is likely to have some problems. At 6, most children will believe and trust an authority figure. Usually a caregiver suffices, but in this case all of these are mixed up in his feelings of anxiety. That is why I think someone outside the situation should talk to him. Perhaps a clergyman? Anyway, here is a list of resources for you: http://www.nacoa.org/links.htm

Viki, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 860
Experience: Mother of 6 kids ages 5-22 yrs; other-health impaired, normal and gifted kids
Viki and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Family Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    108
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/VO/vodkas25/2012-1-29_16528_P1010831.64x64.JPG professional_Alison's Avatar

    professional_Alison

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    77
    Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    40
    Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/KaterB1270/2012-5-2_17226_016.64x64.jpg KaterB1270's Avatar

    KaterB1270

    Teacher

    Satisfied Customers:

    18
    BS Family Consumer Sciences Ed. and Masters of Art in Teaching
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KA/Kansastherapist/2012-6-13_171911_4upon20120220at14.64x64.jpg KansasTherapist's Avatar

    KansasTherapist

    LSCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    17
    17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/JA/JACUSTOMERbryjz898/2012-5-23_93829_me2.64x64.jpg Adviser Mills C.C.D.'s Avatar

    Adviser Mills C.C.D.

    Child Care

    Satisfied Customers:

    15
    15 years Plus, Preschool Owner, Teen Mentor