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danny541
danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Have 5 children !
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I have been called by the Assistant Principal and my ...

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I have been called by the Assistant Principal and my Daughter''s middle school. She is 12 years old. She has been caught going to my boyfriends house when no one is home with her friends. She put Alchohol in soda cans, gave it to her friends also and brought it to school. She has never been in trouble before ever at school. Help I don''t know what to do. She is 3rd out of 4 children and has been trying to be the funny person to get attention.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  danny541 replied 6 years ago.

Hello and welcome to Just Answer !

Has she ever been in trouble over alcohol before ?

You said she has never been in trouble at school before , what about at home ?

How long have you been dating your boyfriend ? Where is her father in all this ? Is he a part of her life ? Has she always tried to be the funny person or is this new ?

Anything you can add, could be of help.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Reply to danny541's Post: She has NEVER been in trouble over alcohol before. At school about 3 years ago she got in trouble for pushing a boy that was teasing her friend. I have been dating my boyfriend for over 7 years on and off. We have been back together for over a year now. Her father is in the picture every other weekend. Lately he has been difficult to everyone in his life. I have 4 children and the two older girls will no longer go there due to how he treats them. Bailey (the one in question) and my son 10 yrs old tell me that he and his wife drink all the time and fight due to the drinking. Bailey and her step sister admit to hiding the alcohol at their house at times. I may have one wine cooler 1 every 3 months if that so she is not seeing this at my home. The alcohol is there at my boyfriends house, but they never see us if we drink any of it. She has always tried to be a funny person to the extent that she is always told that she is too loud or inapropriate. She see's her two older sister's get to do things and can't because she is too young (they have NEVER been in trouble like this) My oldest, 16yrs, has admitted to trying alcohol and pot. I don't know if Bailey knows this or not. I have had several one on one talks with Bailey for being very emotional. I explained what I saw in her behavior to her and asked what she needed from me. She doesn't know what to say. I always make sure to tell her how important she is to me and that I only care about her. She is also a little over weight. Not extreme but chunky. My two older daughters and my son are slender and don't have weight issues. The thing she would mostly get in trouble for lately (before this) is being over emotional and fighting with siblings (never physical). I hope that helps.
Expert:  danny541 replied 6 years ago.

She is at the age where her body is changing, most girls do at this age. And she might not be dealing well with it, as your others did.

You say she is having a little weight problem, all this adds up, and on top of it the problems with her father. Its possible she is acting out trying to act older in front of her friends to gain attention from them also. At this age its so hard being just a part of the crowd, and she is trying to find her place in the group. So trying to appear in the know with alcohol could be what her answer is to this problem.

You are right having the talks with her, she will need to have it reinforced that alcohol is not a answer, and that she could be in a great deal of trouble for feeding alcohol to other minors. The parents may even press charges on her.

It would be a good idea to lock all liquor up for awhile, until you can trust her again. Let her know that you are disappointed in her bad judgment in this situation and that it must not happen a second time.

Counseling would be a good idea, to see if dad's alcohol problem is causing mixed feelings in her also. I would also talk to her about her body changing and how it can also can seem a emotional thing, but that all girls go through it, boys as well as girls.

Perhaps it might even be a good thing to take her to a meeting where young people deal with parents that have an alcohol problem to see ways that she should deal with it when dad and his wife drink and fight, it should help her to understand it a bit more.

I'm here for you, if you need a ear to listen, or just more .

Warm Wishes, Danny

danny541, Parenting Answer Team
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 909
Experience: Have 5 children !
danny541 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I am not sure how to discipline her for what she has done. I have contacted the youth court in our area to see if there are tours of Juvenile Hall. I also contacted the school site police officer to see if he can put a scare into her about how serious this is.
Expert:  danny541 replied 6 years ago.

A two week time out I think would be in order. Also please consider the aa group for children whos parent drink, they can explain a whole lot of different way to deal with this.

Instead of the police at school consider the juvinile officers. I had one come down and actually put my my son in handcuffs and took him to his office to talk to him. It really scared him. I don't know if it would be the answer for your daughter, shes young. As her parent it would be your decision on what she can handle. If this continues, you might have to place unruly charges on her. Because we are responsible for our childrens actions. If anything has happened because of the others drinking as her parent you are responsible. She lives with you.

So I would show her that you love her very much, but it better not happen again. Ground her from the phone, games, etc. have her write a report on why it was wrong, and why it will never happen again.

Also remember your own youth, did you ever act out as she did ? Why ? With love and understaning, you can work through this.

Good Luck !

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