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Ms Chase
Ms Chase, #1 Just Answer Parenting Expert
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience:  Just Answer Parenting Mentor, Emotional, Behavioral & Physical Issues. Babies to Teens.
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i got my two 10 year old girls playing with each others ...

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i got my two 10 year old girls playing with each others private parts and putting diapers on each other. they said they like wearing diapers and being touched by other girls. they said they have done this type of stuff all the time with each other and other girl friends. I do not know what i should do. After i got them i forced them to wear diapers everywhere and use them, and changed them in front of family members. hoping this would stop them but just the other day i got them doing it again. this time with the eight year old girl from down the street. what should i do? i cant get them stop playing with themseves and wearing diapers
Submitted: 8 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Hi Charbour,


Are these your children? I'm asking because they are the same age, are they twins?


Who elselives in the house besides you?


Where do you think they got this from?


Changed them in front of which family members?


How old are you?


Chase

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Reply to Chase's Post: their twins and both mine and i'm a single parent and its just me and them. Changed them in front of their grandparents, their uncle, and thier aunt. i'm 30. Once when they where 6 i put them back in diapers for three days cause they sick. I don't know why they like diapers or why they playing with themseves and other girls. I asked them when they started doing this stuff and they said when they where 8. I asked if a baby sitter ever put them in diapers and they said yes. They said they had wet themseves in the mall and the sitter was mad and bought them diapers and put them into out in the car. sitter made them wear and use them all day. they told whom the sitter was and i have not used that sitter since they where 7. i asked them if she (the sitter) tougched their private parts and they said yes to clean them. i asked them if they tougched hers and they said no. i just remember while typing this they did wear diapers another time when they where 7 and a half. they went on a all girl summer camp trip. all girls 8 and under where asked to wear diapers or pull ups for the 5 hour bus trip to and five hours back. diapers where cheaper and i had to pay for them, so they whore them. Could them being diapered a few times after training make them feel the need or want for diapers? and why do they like tougching each other and other girls? The girls know the different between them and boys, i told them when they where 8 cause they asked and i thought they where ready. i really need help with this reply soon, for now i geuss i no chice to let wear diapers all day and night as long as they don't touch each other or others. if ur wondering where they got the diapers from, they got them from the extra bed room. i keep the bed room stocked with diapers pull-ups, goodnites and little swimmers for when i baby sit thier younger family members, friends and other people's childern. I have never changed others in front of them, not even once.One more thing they have bathed with each other since they where babies and still do.
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

Charbour,


I would say it's time to stop letting them bathe together. I would also remove all the diapers. If someone brings a child that needs diapers then they should bring them. If they are in the house they will be too tempted. We're not talking toddlers here, we're talking 10 year old girls who are capable of understanding direction and command. Tell them that you will not tolerate this behavior under any circumstances, they do not run the house, you do. They are not to take a bath together, sleep in the same bed together, you may even want to tell them if they can't get it together they will have to sleep in separate rooms.


Touching other girls is absolutely intolerable behavior and you must make this as clear as possible to them. What they are doing with other children could be construed as sexual abuse and could possibly bring legal ramifications down on you for allowing it to go on in your home. Not to mention some parents may not want to involve the police and may take personal ramifications out on you.


I'll be honest with you, I have never, ever heard of a summer camp requiring children who are already potty trained to wear diapers, it's very questionable of them to make you have them wear diapers when they are not babies, perhaps even damaging to the child's psyche....I am shocked to the point that i might even consider contacting a lawyer.


Same with the babysitter. Who in the world told her to put 7 year old children in diapers? Are you telling me that both of these 7 year old girls soiled themselves in the mall? At the same time? Something does not sound right here. I feel like there is something you are not telling me or that there is something that those girls are not telling you. The odds that they would both soil at the same time, and the inappropriate behavior of the babysitter concerns me.


Yes, I would say that all of these things, taken into consideration, may have had an emotional and/or psychological impact on them. Removing the diapers from the home may help some, but I strongly feel that you will want to seek counseling for your girls. It is not abnormal for siblings to touch sometimes, but their forthrightness and total acceptance of what they are doing, combined with their age concerns me. I think you should seek help soon and try to figure out what's wrong before this gets any worse.



Warmly,


Chase

Customer: replied 8 years ago.
Reply to Chase's Post: my girls won't listen. they said if they cant wear diapers they wont wear clothes at all. i have told them what they are doing is wrong. i have made it clear to them they are not to bathe together and are to sleep in separate rooms. they seem fine with separate bathes and rooms. They said if i let them wear diapers they will stop tougching each other and other girls. I told them no way are they going to wear diapers. their reaction to it was them trying to kiss each other. I have made plans for them to see a mental doctor and for them to spend 4 weeks a part from each other. What was wrong with them wearing diapers just to the trip when they where younger? After all it was just for the bus ride to there and back? My sister has a 13 year old, he wears diapers or training pants for a long car ride from pa to Fa and vic-virsa every year, that way they don't have to stop as much. Has for the sitter, my girls always have needed to use the bathroom just a minute apart from each other. when they where ages 5-7 they had some bathroom proplems and i asked the sitters during that time if they had soiled themseves out somewhere to put them in training pants just until they got home. I'm mad the sitter put them in diapers and even more mad she made them wear and use diapers all day after they soiled themseves. I have talked with that sitter and she clams the girls asked to wear diapers instead of training pants after they soiled themseves and asked if they could be babied all day. she also clams she didn't change them out in her car but in the girls bathroom. she clams the girls where allowed to use the bathroom but chose not. she says her mom let her play baby once when she was 7 and she thought it wasn't that big a deal the girls wanted to wear diapers for a day. Our family Doctor said i should talk to the girls about making a deal, if they stop bathing together,sleep in separate rooms, stop tougching each other and other girls, i should let them wear and use diapers for three days each month until they grow out of it with the help up for a mental doctor. should i take our family doctors advice?
Expert:  Ms Chase replied 8 years ago.

At this point I would suggest therapy for yourself and the girls. A therapist for you would be able to help you in your parenting and decision making processes. A therapist for the girls will be able to get to the root of their problem and fascination with diapers and touching. Your children should be in no position to question your decisions or negotiate with your rules.


They should not be touching each other and especially not other peoples children, NO EXCEPTIONS. This is not a negotiation, they are children, you are the adult. Their reaction of trying to kiss each other is proof that they are not taking you seriously. You have to decide on a form of punishment, and when they do these things, they must be punished consistently.


I have asked a few other people for their opinion on the diaper vs age question, and everyone I spoke to agreed with me, there is NO reason for a potty trained child to be put in a diaper or pull up. There are some children who wear pull ups to bed because they wet the bed, but to put diapers on a child for a trip is just irresponsible and lazy. Why is heavens name would your sister put a diaper on a 13 year old child? Because they don't want to stop as much???!? So, subject the child to the humiliation of soiling themselves, and potentially cause emotional damage, so that you can get where you're going faster? That makes no sense to me.


If the girls had potty training issues when they were younger, that's one thing, but at that age pull ups were really the only appropriate response. Not diapers.


I cannot agree with what your doctor said. A family doctor may not be equipped to deal with mental issues and should simply refer you to a doctor who can deal with those issues. I absolutely do not believe that you should be negotiating with your girls on these issues. Giving into them will only show them that they can get what they want by behaving badly. It's setting a disturbing precedence.


Seek help from a family therapist, someone who can treat you and your daughters, separately and together.



Warmly,


Chase



Ms Chase, #1 Just Answer Parenting Expert
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2897
Experience: Just Answer Parenting Mentor, Emotional, Behavioral & Physical Issues. Babies to Teens.
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