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Ask Rebekah Haferbecker Your Own Question

Rebekah Haferbecker
Rebekah Haferbecker, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 95
Experience:  Child Care provider for over 13 yrs for children of various ages and health + developmental issues
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Customer Question

my husband and I are very careful when we have sex our kids have never see us or heard us we are always very very careful.Today we let our kids take a shower together well me and my husband watched tv my husband told me to see what they were doing so when I looked in the shower I saw my 9 year old daughter sitting on her 5 year old brother going back and forth on his penis they looked at me and got very scared and they got up I started telling my husband what they were doing and then we started yelling at them then we hit them on there butts.I just could not beleave what I saw what should we do please help.Is there somthing wrong with our kids ...
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Rebekah Haferbecker replied 11 years ago.

First things first you shouldn't be letting children that old shower together that are of the opposite sex. Your son is not too old but your daughter is. It is normal for children to be curious about each other's bodies but as a parent it is important for you to teach them what is and is not appropriate behavior.


However, the fact that your daughter was simulating a sex act raises the flag that she may have been sexually abused, have you talked to her about whether anyone has touched her or where she learned what she was doing from?


It may not be abuse, it may be what she is watching on TV. With children you have to be very careful that they are watching age appropriate material as they are susceptible to imitating what they see on TV.


Spanking them may have been your first reaction but it may have scared them into talking to you about it. You may need to apologize to them and explain why you reacted the way you did and explain to them that what they were doing was not a proper way for brothers and sisters to act toward one another.


Be very calm when you talk to them and be open to what they tell you. Also, if you do not feel like you are getting the truth out of them you may need to get a professional to talk to them such as a psychiatrist. Sometimes kids have a hard time telling those they love the truth if they feel it will get someone else in trouble.


Here is some information that may help you in asking about the sexual abuse.:


http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/sexual_abuse.html

Rebekah Haferbecker, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 95
Experience: Child Care provider for over 13 yrs for children of various ages and health + developmental issues
Rebekah Haferbecker and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to Rebekah Johnson's Post: Hi, first and for most my husband and I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this letter.I will start by saying that our kids are never going to take a shower together again I really just thought that it would be ok but I was wrong.And as for watching tv yes I would let my daughter watch mtv music because she loves music but im going to put a stop to that too.I as a mother try very hard to talk to her and to be like her bestfriend I will never stop doing that no matter what happens.I will always be very open to what she has to say and like you said hitting just scares her away so next time I am going to think and talk to her like we always do just seeing something like that really made us mad we have never seen them do something like that before.Well What im trying to say is it scared us to. Again we would like to thank you for all your help you are a very kind lady my god bless you always.
Expert:  Rebekah Haferbecker replied 11 years ago.

You are very welcome and don't be too hard on yourself you reacted out of shock and suprise because these are your babies. I truly hope it was just something she saw on TV and hope you get to the bottom of the situation. I wish you and your family the best!


Thanks,


Rebekah

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