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Ask Steve -- a.k.a. Oreport Your Own Ques...

Steve -- a.k.a. Oreport
Steve -- a.k.a. Oreport, Parent and Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1079
Experience:  My adult children seem happy and (at least so far) show no signs of wanting to divorce or sue me...
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How do I get my 12 year old to keep his hands to himself

Customer Question

How do I get my 12 year old son to keep his hands to himself? This last year we moved to a new area. My son started a new school. He is 5"6" 150 pounds. At first he is shy but after he gets to know kids he goofs around to harshly by hitting, poking, grabbing, choking, slaping, wrestling. This has now become a major problem at school. He is not a mean person but just can not seem to keep his hands to himself.
Submitted: 11 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Steve -- a.k.a. Oreport replied 11 years ago.
Your son sounds big for his age.  If so, these behaviors may be
just immaturity and related difficulty in coping with 'being
different'.  Counseling may help with this.

However, to be on the safe side, I suggest that you ask your son's Doctor about this behavior. 
Specifically asked about having your son screened for attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).  This or some other neurologically
related problem may be the culprit here.

If no neurological problem is present -- ask for a referral to a child
psychologist.  Your son's school may be able to help (and even pay
for) these referrals.

Let me know if you need more input.  If not, thanks for the
opportunity to assist you... I would really appreciate your honoring my
efforts by 'pushing the button' and Accepting this answer.

Good Luck!



Expert:  Steve -- a.k.a. Oreport replied 11 years ago.
I have taken the time to post -- what I think is a helpful answer to
your question.  However, you will not be able to view my answer
until you make a five dollar deposit.  Making the deposit allows
you to view my answer but does not obligate you to pay for it.

Thanks in advance.


Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to Oreport's Post: I know my son is big for his age. He does not have any medical problems. No adhd. I was trying to see if you had any simple suggestions we could use at home. Telling me to seek a doctor does not help at all. Sorry, but your reply is a standard reply I could give.
Expert:  Steve -- a.k.a. Oreport replied 11 years ago.

The advice and suggestions I presented are 'standard' only because you
have previously considered these ideas.  Given the
fact that you did not include any information regarding what, if
anything, you had previously explored by way of addressing your son's
problems -- it would have been unwise for me not to cover what I did.

Since you're obviously capable (often, people who utilize this site are
not).-- I suggest that you research books and/or Internet information
under 'behavior management' and similar phrases.

That said, if there are no medical issues present with your son -- I
stand by my recommendation that counseling would be an appropriate next
step.  I am assuming, of course, that your having not mentioned it
in your reply indicates that you have not, as yet, given counseling a

One more thing, given that your son's problems 
started after 'moving to a new area' -- I trust that it has occurred to
you that this may be part of the problem.  It could be that your
son is not getting enough positive attention from you -- so he seeks
negative attention.

The solution -- or part of it -- may be as simple as arranging with
son's teachers to provide you with written weekly progress reports --
appropriately rewarding his 'good' behavior (or lack of 'bad' behavior)
with quality one-on-one time with you.  Of course , this would
also involve your down playing any negative behavior by not reinforcing
it with punishment (negative attention).

I apologize for not having been of more help to you -- and I wish you the best of luck with your son.

Thanks in advance.



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