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nursehope, Nurse (RN)
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 222
Experience:  20+ yrs experience teaching parenting skills & working w/ children, parent & step parent 18 years
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Please help!!! My children’s dad is a well known, respected business owner in a tight-knit community. We recently got divorced and decided to live in the same house, on differet halves, not to break the kid’s hearts from the divorce. One of the reasons for the divorce was that for a while, he continually would sneak and peek into the bathroom when our daughter and her friend would bathe. The girls were about 9 then. He did this repeatedly. I would catch him making excuses to "get something" from one of the 3 bathrooms in our home. He would unlock the door and peek at other times. I know this went on for a while. The last time I caught him doing it, I blew up because he seemed to continue and threatened to turn him in. He now has stopped. I feel assured there were no sexual contact and my daughter is unaware that any of this happened. My question to you this enough cause that I should upset everyone and move out of the house with the children, who have no clue of what’s going on? Also, should I ever disclose any of this to my children? Is this as he says,
"not a big deal" as he is not a pervert? If your answer is to move..........then how am I to trust him with our children alone for visitation?    Please help!
 This is a big deal.  It is called covert sexual abuse.  I work with victims of sexual abuse and often it started this way.  It is usually a progression.  Many of my clients have talked about the continued effect this had on them because an adult male watched them in a sexual, lustful manner even if they weren't touched.  I would certainly educate your children about privacy, unwanted touching and it is ok to tell.  Your husband should see a therapist to discuss these urges.  Having little girls over should be halted.  You can't watch him every minute.  If I were you I would move before something more happens.  You don't know about the times you didn't catch him.  Nurse Hope
nursehope, Nurse (RN)
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 222
Experience: 20+ yrs experience teaching parenting skills & working w/ children, parent & step parent 18 years
nursehope and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 11 years ago.
Reply to nursehope's Post: Nurse Hope,
Thank you so much for your help. I knew in my heart what you said, I just needed someone to verify it and see through my emotions in a logical way. You are right and I will work on moving out with the kids right away.
God Bless,
Just to let you know Cheryl, I am a survivor of sexual molestation.  I can tell you that reguardless if you think your daughter may know, children know more than you can imagine.  They feel when things are wrong or out of sorts.  If her father had the wherewithall to become a wealthy businessman he can understand why you were so upset.  I am aware that somethings are out of your control.  But to give you some information that may be of help to you...If Children and Families/HRS/DCF where to catch wind of something such as his repeated viewing of not only his daughter but other children, you could be charged with neglect.  To allow him to remain in your home with children and I am sure that he is not always supervised around them.  Not to be rude, but it does not matter how powerful he is in the community.  Would you want him to possibly molest your daughter or someone elses daughter in the future?  I know you don't wish that on anyone.  You are the mother and protector of your children, you are responsible under law to make sure that you do.  I know it is hard to imagine taking your kids away from their father, but in the long run, trust me...if you are happy the kids will see that and will be better able to deal with what is going on.  Please feel free to email me if you need someone to talk to about this.   

Please remove your children from the house immediatly. You don't know how perverted your husband may be. Be carefull with so called  children's "protective" agencies. Many times their answer is to remove the children from the home and put them in a no better situation.

Your husband needs to realize that watching 9 year old girls bathe is not normal. (even his own daughter). He should not even be doing this with five year old kids boys or girls never mind 9.

The crazy living arrangement you and he have set up in order to protect his stature in the community is weird to begin with. I for one could never understand why a divorced husband and wife could live in the same home but each have their own "half". Appearently his half is encroaching on the safety of yours and your daughters and friends. Get out now and don't look back!

Hoped this helped :)

Greetings Cheryl:

Please know that I'm a legal secretary/paralegal with 29 years experience in the State of California - I would be happy to assist you - and, in order to do so, please answer the following:

When you filed for divorce, was the judge made aware of the situation - as you state that one of the reasons for the divorce was that he sneaked and peeked? If so, did the judge order him to stay away from the children and/or to seek counseling?

What does the court order state concerning custody?

Have you ever reported him?

Are there any court hearings currently scheduled?

Has anyone conducted any investigation concerning your ex husband with regard to this particular situation?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Bright Blessings.

Peace, Love & Happiness,

The Mystic Wave


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