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Ask Dr. Norm S. Your Own Question
Dr. Norm S.
Dr. Norm S., Board Certified OB/GYN
Category: OB GYN
Satisfied Customers: 11030
Experience:  Over 30 years of experience in OB/GYN practice, including teaching students. Fellow of American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology.
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My husband and I recently brought a third woman into bed to

Customer Question

My husband and I recently brought a third woman into bed to explore a fantasy. She told us she regularly gets tested and is clean. We practiced very safe sex nonetheless. He wore condoms with her. Toys used on her were not used on me again. Hands used on her were not used on me. She did not have an orgasm on either one of us. We both did perform oral sex on her however. A week later, we happened to be discussing this person with another person, who said that our partner has a very long sexual history and even dated a drug/needle user. Obviously, we are panicked and have been emotional wrecks since finding out yesterday. Aside from getting tested and never doing this again, any reassurance would be appreciated
Submitted: 1 month ago.
Category: OB GYN
Expert:  Dr. Norm S. replied 1 month ago.

It's hard to be too reassuring, but hopefully you'll come out of this healthy and wiser.

People have the common misconception that getting regular STD testing means that one doesn't have any STD. Unfortunately, there are some STD's (herpes, HPV) that don't show a positive test unless there are active lesions. There are other STD's (HIV, syphilis) that take weeks or months to show positive results on testing. And there are STD's (trichomonas, hepatitis C) that are not usually included in recommended STD screening. And of course your third woman could have gotten an STD since her last testing that hasn't shown up yet.

The fact that your third woman gets tested and seems clean is certainly helpful. Many STD's do cause symptoms and result in testing and treatment.

It would be recommended that you both be seen in an STD clinic and follow their recommendations for testing. There is a good chance that all will be clear. But in the future you'll be aware that a person's being "tested and clean" doesn't mean as much as we'd like. Best wishes to you both.

Customer: replied 1 month ago.
My question is rather since we can't confirm her status, do the precautions we took help? Did we truly have safe sex?
Expert:  Dr. Norm S. replied 1 month ago.

I'm afraid that safe sex is a relative term. The precautions you took are definitely helpful, and were wise to take. I would say that HIV transmission is very unlikely. Gonorrhea and chlamydia can be transmitted to the mouth and throat during oral sex, but hopefully she didn't have either of them.